Saw Zodiac last night. Good movie, though at 2 hours 45 minutes I'm a bit Ruffaloed out.
Anthony Edwards has a fairly large role as Inspector Toschi's partner, Bill Armstrong. This may or may not be Edwards' first big role since ER, and frankly I'm too lazy to look it up. I feel pretty safe in saying that was probably the last major part most moviegoers are familiar with.
Now then, whenever I finally get around to writing my epic masterwork about why going to the movies these days is roughly as pleasurable as having a Russian strongman massage your taint with a giant emery board, I'll have a section on audience members talking. And I will maintain at that time that the absolute worst people to see movies with are old people.
You see, young folks can generally be intimidated, and those with crying kids or talking on phones are on the outs with the majority of the population anyway, but old people...old people simply don't give a shit.
The group of four sitting behind me last night were certainly thrilled to recognize so many stars on the big screen tonight. "He's from ER," they helpfully informed me. One lady did me the favor of reminding me where I'd seen the main suspect earlier in the film. And, of course, one of the men wondered aloud (and I do mean loud) if that was the same person who played Spider-Man in the role of San Francisco Chronicle cartoonist Robert Graysmith.
I am a man of restraint, eroding though it may be, so at no point did I leap to my feet, point at the offenders like Donald Sutherland in Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and scream, "Yes! Anthony Edwards played Dr. Mark Green on ER. No, Jake Gyllenhaal did not play Spider-Man, that was the other guy. But here's the thing: these are all ACTORS. They play different roles in different movies because that's their JOB. It would be like me walking behind you at Luby's and yelling, 'There! That's the old bat who cut me off on Richmond the other day! Doesn't she look different with a wig?'"
But no, it wouldn't matter. They'd just sit there, chatting about that nice young man who was in Wonder Boys while enjoying the Social Security payments I'll never get to see. Meanwhile, the police would be laying into me with truncheons outside.
You can see I've thought this through.
I’m on the fence: old people or young people? On the one hand, I had an old person push me over to steal my seat a few months ago; on the other, against all reason and logic, there were 2 dozen (2 literal dozen, not 2 hyperbolic dozen) little asshats who seem to have come to the theater on the opening night of Tony Jaa’s The Protector just to be asshats for 2 hours.
It’s no better at live theater, incidentally. There’s always bound to be someone (not identifiable by age) who is convinced that every random fucking thought that floats through his/her head must be shared with the world as they watch.
Excuse me, I’ll be in my bunker.
Don’t forget Gotcha, with Linda Fiorentino as a SPOILER sexy East German spy!
Have you given any thought to de-caf?
Considering that I got to the theater too late to grab my customary medium Diet Coke, switching to decaf probably wouldn’t be healthy for anyone around me.
I’m on the fence: old people or young people?
Of the five worst audience experiences I’ve ever had in the theater, three are directly attributable to the elderly.
One of two things is going to happen in the next ten years: either studios are going to pipe movies for advance screening directly to media personnel, or they’re going to stop screening any movies in advance at all. Guess which one I’m betting on?
What exactly is my taint?
that’s mainly why i prefer matinee times. fewer fellow audience members to ruin it for ya.
What exactly is my taint?
This is really your husband’s job, but…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGzbCjX4h0E
“But then tragedy struck. Captain Tragedy.”
This is why God (or Sony or whomever) made DVDs. But then I’m OK with not being an early adaptor, and I don’t finance my child’s need for MORE STUFF THERE MUST BE MORE STUFF because you know, the old stuff sucks, even if it’s only an hour old, by watching first run movies and working hard to not have to call the wife for bail money. I know your wife. I can hear her laughing over the phone to you right now: “Pete? PETE WHO?”
I know your wife. I can hear her laughing over the phone to you right now: “Pete? PETE WHO?” Pfft. Shows how much you know. It would be “Peter? PETER WHO?”
Amazing - both of us using the word “taint” in separate blogposts on the same day. What are the odds? And why should we care?
To my lovely wife blurker gone bad. This is the second time that Pete has had to explain that word to you, once here, but once before at a game. The first time was scarring enough that I shall not forget it again. I am not even considering watching that YouTube video he linked to…
I am not even considering watching that YouTube video he linked to…
Aside from some profanity, I assure you it’s work safe. It’s a clip from HBO’s Mr. Show with Bob and David.
Huh. I was at the same game, and I don’t remember Pete explaining “taint” to blurker.
I choose to believe that it was because it was unmemorable and ordinary, and not because I am old and prone to forgetfulness.
I thought one of the magazines was a definition in itself: “Neither Ass Nor Balls”
We saw something a month ago, with an elderly couple five rows behind us, and it was nonstop “What did that guy say? And what did that other guy say when I asked what the first one said?” The over the shoulder glare did nothing, a couple loud “shushes” did nothing, but standing up and asking them to be quiet did shut them up. For three minutes. You’re right, they don’t give a shit.
Saw “Zodiac” last night, and the elderly were scarce, but the theater was filled with Parents of the Year and their little kids. Yeah, let’s take the six-year-old to a detailed police procedural about a serial killer. Half of it he shouldn’t see, and half of it he won’t understand. Bra-vo.
Have you given any thought to de-caf?