"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...
The dead rising from the grave.
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!"
Oh, and Pittsburgh and Cincinatti are leading the NL Central. At least the first week of the season ended on a high note:
Had it not been for the terrific pitching of Roy Oswalt on Saturday, the first week of the Astros' season would have been a disaster. As it stands, it was still pretty close.
Trying to build on their first win of the season following an 0-4 start, the Astros were humiliated by the defending World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals 10-1 on Sunday afternoon at Minute Maid Park.
The Astros finished the homestand with a 1-5 record -- matching their worst start since 1990 -- and enter a grueling stretch where they will play 14 of 16 games on the road beginning today at Wrigley Field in Chicago.
[...]
Cardinals starter Kip Wells, a product of Elkins High School and Baylor, held the Astros to one hit and struck out seven batters in seven innings, retiring the final 16 batters he faced.
The Cards' bats finally came alive a little. Pujols got his first HR, and Rolen got off the schnide a bit. They still look horrible, but so does Houston.
Both teams eked out wins tonight, however.
And then there's this guy:
Brad Lidge was tagged for five runs (two earned) in the ninth on a three-run double by Rolen and a two-run double by Molina.
"I didn't feel good about what I did out there," said Lidge, whose ERA ballooned to 16.20. "Obviously, when a team smells blood like that and you're making bad pitches, you're going to continue to go after them. I didn't want to walk guys. I was making bad pitches in the strike zone.
16.20? Enjoy middle relief. Or Round Rock.