The Warrior of Cinematic Wordsmithery, the Ayatollah of Aggravating Rob Schneider, Roger Ebert is on the mend:
My Ninth Annual Overlooked Film Festival opens Wednesday night at the University of Illinois at Urbana, and Chaz and I will be in attendance.
This year I won't be speaking, however, as I await another surgery.
I have received a lot of advice that I should not attend the festival. I'm told that paparazzi will take unflattering pictures, people will be unkind, etc.
Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. As a journalist I can take it as well as dish it out.
So let's talk turkey. What will I look like? To paraphrase a line from "Raging Bull," I ain't a pretty boy no more. (Not that I ever was. The original appeal of "Siskel & Ebert" was that we didn't look like we belonged on TV.)
What happened was, cancer of the salivary gland spread to my right lower jaw. A segment of the mandible was removed. Two operations to replace the missing segment were unsuccessful, both leading to unanticipated bleeding.
A tracheostomy was necessary so, for the time being, I cannot speak. I make do with written notes and a lot of hand waving and eye-rolling. The doctors now plan an approach that does not involve the risk of unplanned bleeding. If all goes well, my speech will be restored.
So when I turn up in Urbana, I will be wearing a gauze bandage around my neck, and my mouth will be seen to droop. So it goes.
I don't think anyone grows up wanting to be a movie critic. I know I didn't...hell, I still don't, but Sneak Previews was probably my first exposure to that as a particular career path. As the years passed, and the show became At the Movies and then Siskel and Ebert at the Movies, I enjoyed the often acerbic commentary and the fact that someone could apparently make a living at talking shit about shitty movies.
I've read I Hated, Hated, Hated This Movie several times, and have Your Movie Sucks on my Amazon wishlist. I also had the privilege of meeting the man himself at Sundance in 2006. Whatever your opinion of critics - and I'm not one to say it's wholly unjustified - Ebert is a class act.
Get well, Rog.
He has been missed, and I hope he makes a speedy recovery because Rob Schneider does need a few more whacks with a well-worded metaphorical shovel.