A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

"Ruprecht, do you want the genital cuff?"

Checking in from Maine to register my, uh, outrage at this story (via WithLeather):

An Oklahoma City man has been charged with aggravated assault and battery, accused of causing extensive damage to another man's scrotum just because he wore a University of Texas shirt into a local bar.

Allen Michael Beckett, 53, has not been arrested on the felony charge, which was filed Monday in Oklahoma County District Court. It carries up to five years in prison if he is convicted.
[...]
Thomas said Beckett, whom he had never met, called him "everything under the sun" for wearing a Longhorns T-shirt into [Henry Hudson's Pub].

He said he and his friend sat at a table in the corner and tried to ignore the other man, but other man -- who apparently is a University of Oklahoma fan -- kept screaming at him.

Thomas said he decided he'd had enough after about 20 minutes of Beckett's abuse so he went to the bar to pay his tab. When he turned around, he said Beckett grabbed his crotch and refused to let go.

Thomas hit the other man several times before several bar patrons intervened, but Thomas said Beckett didn't let go until Thomas heard his scrotum tear and blood ran down his leg.

I've seen my share of violence between fans of both of our proud, felon-spawning institutions, including some choice altercations in the stands in Dallas during the '80s, and one brawl in our hotel that required several dozen riot police to break up. I don't recall seeing/experiencing any scrotum tearing, but I'm usually more concerned with making sure my beer doesn't spill (during the hotel brawl I was sitting with two 60-something Sooner fans in the lobby, drinking beer and sharing commentary about the shame of the younger generation).

Hell, one of my best friends is one of those obnoxious OU fans who has a "Stoops for President" bumper sticker and a football autographed by Barry Switzer, and I still let him in my home. Occasionally.

Thomas, who grew up a Texas fan, said it took more than 60 stitches to close his wound.

Finally, check out the sponsored link on that page:

I'd advise everyone going to Dallas this October to wear a cup. Even the ladies.