I was going to come here today and say I don't endorse schadefreude, but the truth is, I'm rather fond of it. Lucky for me there are people like Sen. Larry Craig:
Under fire from leaders of his own party, Idaho Sen. Larry Craig today said the only thing he had done wrong was to plead guilty after a complaint of lewd conduct in a men's room.
He declared, ``I am not gay. I never have been gay.'' ``I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport,'' he said at a news conference with his wife, Suzanne, at his side.
Earlier today, Senate Republican leaders in Washington called for an ethics committee review into Craig's guilty plea.
[...]
Craig entered his plea several weeks after an undercover police officer in the Minneapolis arrested him and filed a complaint that said the three-term senator had engaged in actions "often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct."The bathroom incident in the Minneapolis airport occurred on June 11. Craig signed his plea papers on Aug. 1, and word of the events surfaced on Monday. The senator issued a statement Monday night that said, "In hindsight, I should have pled not guilty."
These truly are sad times when a United States Senator has less than adequate access to legal counsel. And I'm guessing the cops ignored his protestations, which were along the following lines: "I was offering him a ride," "I was asking for directions to baggage claim," "He's my cousin."
In Craig's situation, I think I'd have acted like I thought I was in the ladies' room. That way at least it'd be heterosexual sleazery. After all, the "family values party" has never had a problem turning a blind eye to infidelity. Among their own, of course.
The married Craig, 62, has faced rumors about his sexuality since the 1980s, but allegations that he has engaged in gay sex have never been substantiated. Craig has denied the assertions, which he calls ridiculous.
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According to the prosecutor's complaint, obtained today by The Associated Press, airport police Sgt. Dave Karsnia, who was investigating allegations of sexual conduct in airport restrooms, went into a stall shortly after noon on June 11 and closed the door.Minutes later, the officer saw Craig gazing into his stall through the crack between the stall door and the frame, fidgeted with his fingers and returned to gazing through the stall for about another two minutes.
After a man in the adjacent stall left, Craig entered it and put his roller bag against the front of the stall door, "which Sgt. Karsnia's experience has indicated is used to attempt to conceal sexual conduct by blocking the view from the front of the stall," said the complaint, which was dated June 25.
The complaint said Craig then tapped his right foot several times and moved it closer to Karsnia's stall and then moved it into the area of the officer's stall to where it touched Karsnia's foot. Karsnia recognized that "as a signal often used by persons communicating a desire to engage in sexual conduct," the complaint said.
Craig then passed his left hand under the stall divider into Karsnia's stall with his palms up and guided it along the divider toward the front of the stall three times, the complaint said.
First, I submit Craig's actions as further proof of something I've long suspected: all Republicans are gay. Well, all of the vehemently pious, born-again ones at least, and Craig certainly qualifies.
Second, I realize it's hard to meet people. Hell, I had to go back to the Forbidden Zone of College Station, TX to meet The Wife, but an airport bathroom? We're not talking about some poorly frequented lavatory in the basement of some ill-lit college building, but one patronized by thousands of people a day. And the fact that Craig spent that much time in a place most human beings manage to vacate in under a minute is more damning than if he'd been caught with a penis in his mouth.
Unsurprisingly, Craig is a shining example of his party's noble conservative tradition:
In recent years, Craig's voting record has earned him top ratings from social conservative groups such as the American Family Association, Concerned Women for America and the Family Research Council.
He has supported a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, telling his colleagues that it was "important for us to stand up now and protect traditional marriage, which is under attack by a few unelected judges and litigious activists."
advertisementIn 1996, Craig also voted in favor of the Defense of Marriage Act, which denies federal recognition to same-sex marriages and prevents states from being forced to recognize the marriages of gay and lesbian couples legally performed in other states.
Craig also has opposed expanding the federal hate crimes law to cover offenses motivated by anti-gay bias and, in 1996, voted against a bill that would have outlawed employment discrimination based on sexual orientation, which failed by a single vote in the Senate.
I sympathize with someone forced to deny their true selves, whether due to the circumstances of their upbringing or simple fate. But someone who hides behind their own hypocrisy while making life harder for others like him deserves what he gets. Getting busted in an airport toilet is a fitting end to Craig's unfortunate career.