The title of this entry makes no sense, except as an in-joke to parents subjected to repeated viewings of The Backyardigans and as a means to make light of the reaction I had to the news of yet another of my favorite movies getting remade (via Cinematical):
Sam Bayer is in negotiations to direct "Near Dark," the remake of the cult vampire movie Platinum Dunes is producing for Rogue Pictures.
Like the 1987 original by Kathryn Bigelow, the remake centers on a young man who reluctantly joins a traveling "family" of evil vampires after the girl he tried to seduce bites him and turns him into one.
Christopher Landon ("Disturbia") is rewriting the script.
Platinum Dunes' Michael Bay, Andrew Form and Brad Fuller are producing.
Bayer, one of the big names in music videos and commercials -- he directed Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" clip -- recently won a MTV Video Music Award for helming Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around Comes Around" video that starred Scarlett Johansson.
This is almost too perfect a storm of crapitude: Grand Offalmeister Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes, a company created for the sole purpose of strip-mining existing horror properties (coming in 2009: The Birds!), has gotten the guy who wrote a note-perfect ripoff of Rear Window and a director who - dare I dream - may even bring the vacuous Johansson on board to complete this fiasco.
One of the commenters on the original entry was right: can't these fuckers go and remake a shitty movie for once? Take a stab at Food of the Gods or Howling II. At least then they could argue they were improving it.
I hope everyone involved with this gets hoof and mouth disease.
Happy Friday. Go see Into the Wild.
EDIT: Sweet jesus, it never ends:
A few months ago, we reported that Len Wiseman was in negotiations to direct the Escape from New York remake and also Gears of War.
The big news today, that started over at AICN, is that Len Wiseman will no longer be directing Escape and that Brett Ratner has replaced him.
The IESB contacted a source over at New Line, the studio behind the film, and was able to confirm the story which is no longer a rumor but instead 100% fact. Brett Ratner will take over directorial duties on the remake.
Awesome. Maybe Chris Tucker can play the Duke of New York.
There was once a beer called “old Frothingslosh” “The stale pale ale, with the foam on the bottom.” Their cans were adorned with more that heavy “Bathing Beauties” as a parody of the Tennant Girls. Had to explain the outburts of laughter while watchin’ the Backyardigans.
Ratner? Geez, Pete. Mel tells me about your blog and I head over for a look, and the first entry I read has the words Brett and Ratner in it. I may be traumatized.
Holy shit dude… Chris Tucker as the Duke of New York. I think you nailed it on the head. What an awful piece of news.
Wow. Nice Backyardigans reference dude. That’s both very funny and vaguely scary.