Dear Female Customers at Lowe's Home Improvement,
What can I say, it was a long weekend. Not only did The Wife convince me that the bathroom needed to be painted a different color, she somehow engineered a significant absence on Saturday, leading to yours truly not only taping off the whole room, but putting down one - then two - coats of primer, and finally saying 'fuck it' and painting it today.
So while my spouse's Tom Sawyer-esque plan may have resulted in a totally new color scheme for our salle de bains, it also indirectly led to no small amount of hostility directed at your humble narrator. For as is the case with virtually any home improvement project, one often finds themself making multiple trips to the local home improvement superstore to procure things otherwise forgotten. In my case, I was totally out of brush cleaner and Goop. And so, after putting the final coat of periwinkle...or what the hell ever...I drove to the local Lowe's to make some needed purchases,
Was my decision to wear a "Hooters" t-shirt with the words "Hoops Fever" on it the wisest? Probably not, but consider my situation. Is the very act of sporting such a garment insensitive? That's arguable, but maybe all of you women giving me the stinkeye while I looked for turpentine could take into consideration that fact that nobody wears clothes they like when painting. I was wearing khaki shorts and my St. Louis Cardinals 2006 World Series t-shirt while I was taping, but changed before opening that can of primer. Surely the fact that my shirt was liberally spotted with paint indicated that this was a garment of which I wasn't particularly fond? Did the bombed-out expression in my eyes not give you a clue?
I suppose I could have upended a gallon of Kilz on my torso to make things right, but I think I'd rather finish this drink and hit the sack. To sum up, let me just say: sorry ladies. E-mail me for some coupons for free wings.
Wasting time led to this:
stink eye - n. a facial expression of doubt, distrust, or dislike; a dirty look; skunk eye, the hairy eyeball. Subjects: English, Slang
Etymological Note: There is inconclusive evidence that this term originated in Hawaii and spread through beach sports such as surfing and volleyball. In Hawaiian stink eye would translate as maka pilau, which, according to the Hawaiian Dictionary at the Hawaiian Electronic Library, exists as a term meaning ‘rotten eyes, one with rotten eyes, a ghost.’
How far we have progressed as a society now that there is a formal definition AND etymological history of stink eye. I can die fulfilled.
I guess I don’t see the big deal. If you were at a Maya Angelou reading, or Lilith Fair, I’d get it. But Lowe’s isn’t exactly the modern feminist’s stronghold of political correctness. I’ve lost count of the number of chicks there (and at Home Depot) that roll in with shirts depicting the Playboy bunny logo.
I guess I don’t see the big deal…I’ve lost count of the number of chicks…with shirts depicting the Playboy bunny logo. — Denny
It’s a well-known fact that the broads, frails, skirts, and other assorted chicks who pioneered feminist ideology revere the Playboy Bunny, the ubiquitous “Mud-Flap Gal,” and any given issue of Cosmo as icons of female empowerment.
And here I thought Mr. Denny knew something about wimmens. Hmmmph.
On the flipside, while I was at the library on Sunday afternoon, a woman noticed my t-shirt and quickly asked people with her if they had seen my shirt, commenting that it was a “great shirt.” The text on it?:
“I Have Issues”
Go figure.