We covered this a while ago on APCB, where I (and many others) dredged up those poignant and - occasionally - confounding choices for the movies that made them cry. I stand by my original choices (yes, even Wrath of Khan).
The slowcoaches at eHarmony are finally joining in the fun. However, they take a different, daring tack, offering instead a list of movies that make men - and only men - cry. Whatever. I predict lots of sports:
1. Brian's Song (1971) - And I was right. Any movie with athletes or soldiers dying is automatically exempt from the usual male embargo on movie-related weeping, because the only time one man is allowed to express honest affection for another is when he's bleeding out from belly full of shrapnel or dying of brain cancer.
2. Rudy (1993) - What was the slugline for this? "Diminutive pain-in-the-ass annoys coaches and alienates family until his empty life is given meaning by the throwaway act of letting him line up in a uncontested football game?" I think the only reason anyone would cry at this is if an otherwise sympathetic character was forced to play for the Irish.
3. Saving Private Ryan (1998) - Yes, it was pretty sad when heartless invading Americans brutally shot those noble German soldiers down like dogs. Oh, you were talking about the scene when Tom Hanks' character dies? Sins of the past, Tom. Sins of the past.
4. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) - Nurse Ratched: "Son, we live in an asylum that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by nurses with starched, pointy brassieres. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Billy Bibbit? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for McMurphy, and you curse my nurses. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That McMurphy's death, while tragic, probably saved Martini. And my existence, while grotesque and oddly arousing to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at screenwriter conventions, you want me in that ward, you need me in that ward."
5. The Natural (1984) - This comes in at #5 and Field of Dreams doesn't even crack the top 20? Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those weepy middle-aged types who *sob* never got to "have a catch" with his old man (and I was always a better fielder than hitter), but The Natural is almost too whimsical to take seriously, much less get all teary-eyed over.
6. The Shawshank Redemption (1994) - I know of only one man who cries during this movie, and they're the tears of rage that only an engineer watching a guy break a steel pipe with a rock could produce.
7. Schindler's List (1993) - Uh, next.
8. Old Yeller (1957) - If you scheduled a double-feature of this with Where the Red Fern Grows in a medium-sized hydroelectric plant, you could power the city of Spokane for a month.
9. The Pride of the Yankees (1942) - I feel comfortable speaking for my white, American male brethren when I say that baseball movies are our Achilles heel (or Tommy John elbow, if you prefer). In fact, rather than populating a list with questionable choices like Terms of Endearment(?) and The Pianist(??), why not just flesh out a top 10 with Eight Men Out, Field of Dreams, The Rookie, The Sandlot, The Life and Times of Hank Greenberg, Bang the Drum Slowly, Fear Strikes Out, and the "gotta see about a girl" scene from Good Will Hunting and be done with it?
10. Terms of Endearment (1983) - Those weren't tears on your date's shoulder, ladies, it was drool from the impromptu nap that resulted when you forced them to sit through this.
11. The Iron Giant (1999) - "Suuuperman!" Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye...
12. Philadelphia (1993) - While I agree that Philadelphia is a decent movie, if about as subtle as a Trent Cole sack, I respectfully submit that you're going to have a hard time finding a lot of dudes who will admit to crying while watching it. I suspect it's the whole opera thing.
13. Big Fish (2003) - For a movie to make a Top 20 list, I think it should be a prerequisite that more than 20 people have actually seen it.
14. Million Dollar Baby (2004) - Tragic? Sure, I guess, but that's what you get when your female protagonist doesn't stick to girls' sports such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.
15. Life is Beautiful (1997) - If you're the type of person who cries at seeing Benigni mug his way through this shallow and laughable (but not in a good way) exercise in cheap sentimentality, then I agree with its inclusion. Otherwise the only "Top 20" list this belongs on is "Movies that Made Me Want to Blow My Head Off."
16. Love Actually (2003) - What, no Steel Magnolias? Who the hell wrote this list?
17. Rocky (1976) - No, the correct answer is Rocky IV and the tragic, senseless death of the great Apollo Creed. Why didn't you throw in the towel, Rock? Because he wouldn't let you!
18. The Pianist (2002) - The makers of this list give us too much credit. It doesn't take tales of human triumph in a time of genocide to make guys tear up; just shoot a dog. Me, I got more choked up when Max's pooch got plugged in The Road Warrior than I did at any point in The Pianist. There, I said it.
19. Mystic River (2003) - Great movie, but I don't remember crying at any point, Rather, it prepared me for further Lehane mind-fuckery a la Gone Baby Gone.
20. To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) - How is this sad? Scout and Jem are saved from Bob Ewell by Boo Radley, and Atticus successfully defended Tom Robins...oh, right.
Gone Baby Gone is a movie? Sweet. Lehane is a superb writer. Any other Lehane I should know about?
Any other Lehane I should know about?
He’s written several episodes of The Wire, and Martin Scorsese is directing Shutter Island, coming in 2009.
Big Fish was a solid movie. Perhaps not popular at the box office, but much better than most of the swill emitted from the Hollywood sump pump. And yes, I did shed a tear or two. It wasn’t sad the old man died. I was, however, moved when his son came to realize just how many lives his father had meaningfully touched; that he wasn’t a wholesale liar. We should all be so lucky, on our death beds, to slip away knowing our children love and respect us and that our lives had meaning.
Except maybe nihilists. They probably don’t care.
We should all be so lucky, on our death beds, to slip away knowing our children love and respect us and that our lives had meaning.
Thanks for the sour persimmons, Capt. Bringdown.
Speaking of The Wire, I curse you heartily. Four seasons in four weeks has hurt my psyche. Good stuff, couldn’t stop watching till I ran out, but man - depressing.
Thoughts on this season and the focus on the Sun? And how in the world they’re going to wrap it all up?
Remember Silent Running, that sci-fi flick with Bruce Dern and the robots (Huey, Dewey, and Louey)? Yeah, I wept uncontrollably, but I was maybe 12. Lonesome Dove killed me. But I cried reading that book first, so I was primed. And, I choke up for Field of Dreams every time.
I also came frighteningly close to vomiting watching Jackass 2 last week. Does that sort of count?
What happened to E.T.?
And, full disclosure, when the words “For Carl” appear at the end of “Contact”, I sort of lose it.
Of course Love, Actually should be on the list. The “Dear Penthouse” scene with Elisha Cuthbert, January Jones and Ivana Milicevic, is enough to bring a tear to any man’s eyes. BTW who the heck ends up with Denise Richards over Elisha Cuthbert anyway.
Here’s what I don’t get - on all these lists, no one mentions Eight Men Out. I don’t cry much at movies, there’s not enough time for the emotional involvement, but dear lord, when the guys are out having a good time, and the scene is interspersed with the court determining that they will never play baseball again, I cry like a baby. Every time. It’s just not fair!
Here’s what I don’t get - on all these lists, no one mentions Eight Men Out.
I was just having this discussion tonight (at a baseball game, of all places). That final scene where Buck says, “All those guys are gone” gives me the proverbial lump every time.
Hang on, I wasn’t supposed to have cried at “Saving Private Ryan,” “Old Yeller,” “Philadelphia,” “Schindler’s List,” and “Terms of Endearment”? Whoops. Guess I didn’t get the memo from eHarmony that those were strictly oriented toward Y-chromosome tear ducts. Silly me.