Last month both The Wife and She Who Shall Not Be Named fell victim to illness. I somehow managed to escape unscathed, which - now that I've written that out - means I'll be getting hit with a robust case of malaria any day now.
The Wife had a fairly virulent strain of stomach flu, and outside of requiring a few extra trips to the store for fluids and NyQuil it didn't disrupt things too much. Then SWSNBN woke up one day with a fever and a nasty looking rash on her face and chest. Being internet savvy parents, we initially thought it was chicken pox, which was really great news for yours truly, as I've never actually had that particular affliction and wasn't looking forward to getting my zoster on.
A trip to the pediatrician, however, revealed it was not chicken pox at all, but something called "fifth disease:"
Fifth disease has been called the "slapped cheek" disease because it causes a red rash on the face that looks like a slap mark. A lacy red rash may also appear on the child's torso and limbs. Fifth disease doesn't always make a child feel ill, but it can feel like a cold early on, before the rash shows up.
The cryptic name is a holdover from medical lingo a century ago, when a French physician assigned numbers to the common childhood diseases characterized by rashes. For example, measles was "first disease," scarlet fever was "second disease," and so on.
The Wife mentioned SWSNBN's ailment to her own GP when she visited him the other day, and he said that "slapped cheek" was running rampant in Houston last month. I wish I'd been there, because a malady that resembled physical abuse could be a great boon to parents, and I was really hoping to get some feedback on more of these suspicious sounding "diseases," like "Blackened eye disorder," "Handprint on ass syndrome," and "Mysterious series of neck bruises that look suspiciously like interlocked fingers fever."
Just trying to get a jump on SWSNBN's sass-talking period.
What, no reference to the classic Simpsons song “Glove Slap?!?” I tried to find it on youtube, but no go.
Glad I didn’t infect you with whatever I had at SXSW….or….did I…..
No no no…you’re hoping for “Multiple Blunt Force Trauma and Compulsion to Bury One’s Self in a Shallow Desert Grave” Syndrome, which affects young men who don’t bring daddy’s little girl home before curfew.
It’s rare in California, but I hear it’s more common in Texas.
God bless Texas.
Yup, that nasty fifth diseases visited the Philly area and our own home about 3 years ago, when Emily was 2. Have some nice shots of the lovely red marks on her chest & torso, baby sitter wouldn’t take her, so I was cooped up with a crabby 2 year old. Returning to work was a relief. It will go away, don’t worry!
I had that as a tween. I always thought it was made-up or something. Maybe I just really had slapped ass syndrome instead. I just remember the splotches on my arms, I am sure there were more hand-like marks elsewhere.
I passed on the news of Borders possible demise to comrades at work. We all rejoiced, and plan on bringing that up at out big ass PLA conference this week, when the Glorious World of Bookstores are touted as the model for public libraries. Hopefully a more concrete reminder to the powers that be, that a public library is not in fact, a corporate commercial entity.
Haha. Handprint on ass disease ran rampant in my childhood.
My daughter had the previosly unheard of illness and it really knocked us for a loop. Perfectly healthy then developed these red splotches all over her face and body - freaked everyone out.