Excerpt from a recent visit to the doctor:
Dr. F: So just wear loose fitting shorts for a while. Anything else?
Pete: Nope. Well, actually, I've been getting these twitches around my eye.
Dr. F: Any pain or blurred vision?
Pete: No, it's just like a tic. I thought it had to do with how much time I spend looking at a monitor, but it happens on the weekends sometimes.
Dr. F: Yeah, that's not uncommon.
Pete: How do you treat it?
Dr. F: The usual...get more sleep, cut back on caffeine...
Pete: ...so, you're saying it can't be treated.
I've since discovered that having a couple of extra drinks each night take care of the problem. Take that, Baylor College of Medicine.
“Loose fitting shorts,” huh? That’s normally accompanied by ice-packs and days of agonized limping.
I can’t believe we didn’t drunkenly fete your vasectomy.
Um… not to dismiss your medical acumen, but what problem *isn’t* solved by a couple of extra drinks a night?