June 8, 2008
"Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it."
Posted by pete at June 8, 2008 11:09 AMStarted out a typical Sunday morning: drinking coffee, tinkering with next week's fantasy baseball lineup, enduring another episode of The Backyardigans, and reading about G4's latest attempt to usher in the end of civilization, Hurl!
Representing an entirely new type of competition, HURL! combines competitive speed-eating with intense physical challenges all designed to shake up the competitors...it's an eating competition with an extreme sports chaser.
With HURL!, participants are subjected to a series of challenges: Spiraling down a tunnel in a steel cage ball after eating multiple bowls of clam chowder...saddling up for a bucking, spinning, spew-inducing thrill ride on the mechanical bull after downing some franks n' beans...and much more! Last contestant to spew wins a cool grand plus bragging rights as an "Iron Stomach Champion."
The hazmat suits are a nice touch.
As someone who once engaged in this kind of behavior for free*, I can't fault anybody humiliating themselves for a cool G. But it makes me wonder how long before we see the following programs:
CRAP! - After downing unhealthy amounts of four-alarm chili, prunes, and All-Bran, the competitors consume steadily increasing quantities of laxatives. Those that survive the initial stages must then contend with the Enema Round.
NUT! - Contestants engage in frottage and high school-level making out with second tier porn stars until release is imminent, then attempt to hold out as select dancers from the Cheetah grind on their pelvises. The last one to bust in his pants earns bragging rights as "Blue Balls McGinty."
BLEED! - The lucky participants endure wounds ranging from paper cuts to wounds inflicted by straight razors and chainsaws. The winner is the one who...doesn't die.
I think any of these would make a great double-bill with Cheaters.
* Wolfing down $5 worth of Mexican food from Pepe's, shotgunning three beers, and sprinting up and down the ramps at Kyle Field. Last one to spew won eternal glory or something.
Sorry. Robot Chicken beat you to that first one.
http://www.dumpalink.com/videos/Robot-Chicken-Who-Poop-Last-5a15.html
Hell, the Japanese probably beat us both. It just hasn’t been syndicated on Spike yet.
Funny you should mention beer and Kyle Field and Pepe’s. I had a conversation this afternoon with a woman from D.C. who had been to College Station the first time this weekend. She didn’t understand “those people” so I tried to explain Aggies to her. She still didn’t get it. I mean COULDN’T get it.
My own billion dollar reality-game show franchise idea is one where some much hated celebrity is stalked by net-equipped, taser armed contestants, with a big cash prize going to the one who finally corners this week (or this season’s) It Person and drags them, kicking and screaming, back to the show’s secret base, where they are slapped around, pelted with refuse, and creatively humiliated for most of the Season Finale. Call the first season HUNTING BEN AFFLECK, and then follow it with HUNTING GILBERT GOTTFRIED, HUNTING PENN GILLETTE, HUNTING MICHAEL MOORE, HUNTING RUSH LIMBAUGH, HUNTING PARIS HILTON, etc.
It’s dark, it’s edgy, and if we get John Walsh to host it, our audience can even kid themselves they’re doing something socially positive. Hell, incorporate a feature where audience members can phone in tips as to It Person sightings, for a minor cash reward and a chance at a guest appearance on the show. Watch the ratings soar!
Also, my wife and I both agree that if they were to do a version of THE MOMENT OF TRUTH with celebrities being wired up to a lie detector, having to answer questions submitted by the audience, that would be a ratings gargantua. On the other hand, if they were to do an election season version with various political candidates on the polygraph, we might actually do some discernible social good…