It's time to get our Alec Baldwin on and make ill-advised assertions about what we're planning to do if the election doesn't go our way. Use the following format:
I'm going to _________________ because ___________________________ .
For example, I'm going to smart smoking (again) because there won't be any Medicare to keep me alive in my 80s.
Or: I'm going to stop cleaning my cat's ears because we'll be eating our pets inside of six months.
Please submit you responses in the comments section. I'll be perusing them from my sofa cushion fort, where I'll be watching election returns with a fifth of Bushmills and about 400 mg of Thorazine.
I am going to do pretty much what I did today because despite the media-revenue driven attempts to polarize and separate the nation, these guys are a lot more alike than they are different. Most likely psychotically ego-centric, but similar.
You want to talk change? Put in Ron Paul. Or throw fucking Kucinich into the mix!
Don’t give me two flavors of vanilla and tell me that if I pick one, all my money is going to be drained from my miniscule savings and given to people only want to shoot heroin and teach my daughter how to give a proper blowjob in kindergarten or that if I pick the other one my son will be in Iraq as part of Cub-Scout Special Forces and that I will stop paying my income taxes to the government, but will instead pay them directly to Trump, or Gates, or my brother in law! They both know we need to “win” in Iraq and withdraw honorably. They both say the next real front is Afghanistan. Only one of them mentioned Darfur in the debates and that was only once. They both voted for the fucking bailout!
Please. This is only slightly more valid than Pete’s much-maligned hurricane porn. It’s election porn, nothing more.
And just so no one gets up my ass about not voting due to my disgust with lack of substance in our current political discourse, I did vote. I voted for Obama and I am in a swing state.
Peace.
And I’m spent.
I am going to hone my skills as Man-Whore, because American money will soon be worth nothing and I have no other tangible skills to barter….
I’m going to have a sex change, because women’s “health” and “rights” will mean shyte.
You want to talk change? Put in Ron Paul. Or throw fucking Kucinich into the mix!
I’m not going to argue that Obama and McCain don’t hew close to each other in certain areas, but regarding social issues, temperament, and who’s likely to improve America’s ability to work with our allies abroad and keep us out of future wars, it isn’t even close. Obama’s clearly the better choice.
Even if he hadn’t already sacrificed what remained of his moderate platform to win the nomination in the first place, McCain’s selection of Palin as VP was the final nail. You simply cannot afford to have that person poised to be the leader of the United States. I could still make a pretty forceful argument even if McCain had selected, say, Pawlenty, but Palin and her ilk scare the shit out of me.
I’m going to max out my credit cards and buy seven defibrillators, one for each of his houses, because Lord almighty we just can’t risk it.
I’m going to plan my presidental campaign for 2012 because if God forbid Palin should become president I would have a good chance of beating her and her crazy policies in the next election. Hell I would look like a freaking genius running against her! And yes I voted for Obama too & live in a swing state!
I’m going to think about buying plumbing business because apparently, as long as you even just think about it, its okay to owe back taxes and still be a hero of this country’s self-professed fiscal conservatives.
I’m going to take out another mortgage on my house, because employer based health care will evaporate next week and it’ll cost a good $12,000 a year to get coverage.
I’m going to lie on the floor sobbing uncontrollably while curled into the fetal position because that’s the only thing to do when the civilized world has gone slap crazy (and you’ve had three beers and two Cookie-creations).
PS As I professed to your wife tonight over Cookie-creation #2….you’re my f****n’ hero. (Based upon APCB and the fabulous rebuttal to off-his-rocker brother).
I’m going to drive around the city Death-Race-2000-style because clearly humanity is no smarter than the insects already flattened on my windshield.