A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Rhymes with "pyorrhea"

I made my first trip to the Galleria in about a year last week. It'll probably be my last trip for at least that long.

It actually wasn't that bad, even though I noticed the Christmas rush seems to have begun a few weeks early. I had to drive the West Loop last night to make a screening of Twilight last night (I'm still working on the maximally hilarious way to incorporate "sucking" into my review). From 290 to 59S took 25 minutes.

But that wasn't the case when She Who Shall Not Be Named and I headed over to kill a few hours while The Wife got some cold-induced couch time. We navigated through mercifully traffic-free streets and snaked one of those elusive first parking garage level spots less than two hundred feet from Neiman Marcus. Granted, we didn't actually buy anything but we did come up with some amusing mall activities.

1. Go to the Apple Store and see if an employee ever gives an answer to a question that doesn't start with, "Well, if you go to our web page." And it didn't matter if it was about financing or the relative fragility of the MacBook Air. Why the hell do you guys have a store in the first place?

2. Ask the girl at the Hollister store if they have any clothes that don't say "Hollister" on them. Chuckle at her response and say, "No, really."

3. Allow your four year old to run into the Versace store with a large, slobbery lollipop. Pause briefly to enjoy the horrorstruck expressions before corralling her.

4. Laugh at the hair on the guy working in the Michael Kors store. His 'do says Good Charlotte, but his crows' feet say Charlotte Rae.

5. Count the number of kids and adults-who-should-know-better wearing South Pole and Aerospatiale clothes. Stop when you reach 1,000.