A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

"Chris Jericho is a piece of shit"

Posted by pete at April 10, 2009 6:25 AM

I promise, this is my last WrestleMania post. And it's mainly for those of you who aren't on Facebook and haven't already seen these pics. So...you're welcome.

I got to Reliant Stadium a little after 2 on the Big Day. After checking in, we were ushered to some sort of holding area, where I sat between a German magazine crew and a Mexican TV station. I felt like the Zimmerman telegram. I also learned with a quickness how not to make friends with the WWE staff:

WWE Guy #1: "I'm sorry sir, you can't sit in the press section yet."
Pete: "Oh, no?"
WWE Guy #1: "No sir, they're rehearsing."
Pete: "...You mean it isn't real?"

I got there in time for the Mickey Rourke press conference, which was leading up to the least surprising "surprise" WrestleMania appearance of all time. Flanked by Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair, he let his feelings about Chris Jericho be known. I wanted to ask him a question, but they reserved actual query time for credible journalists like the guy from Sky News and...ABC 13's Laura Whitley.

He probably wouldn't have found the Kim Basinger stuff funny anyway.

[more fun and photos after the jump]

It took about ten minutes of sitting in the press box to realize I wanted to be anywhere but the press box. The Sputnik's-eye view was nice, and the bratwurst-heavy buffet line a plus, but the idea of spending the next five hours sitting at a desk and watching Jumbotrons from behind double-paned Plexiglas was distinctly unappealing, so I decided to go downstairs.

The elevator guy had other ideas, telling me I needed to be accompanied by someone with an all access pass if I was going to carry a camera around, since I didn't have a "Photo" badge. I was fully prepared to comply, by which I mean I was going to stuff my camera in my backpack and head down the stairs, when one of the WWE guys showed up with several TV crews in tow.

Elevator Guy: He doesn't have a photo badge, so you need to take him to the box.
WWE Guy #2: [to me] We didn't give you a photo badge?
Pete: Nope.
WWE Guy #2: Okay, follow us.

Note that nowhere did I say I was supposed to get a badge, so I don't think you can actually call it lying. At any rate, soon I was safely ensconced with the rest of the press photography corps, separated from the squared circle by a mere 100 feet or so. Eager to look professional, I dug out my camera, oblivious to the stares of my "fellow" photogs who were no doubt snickering at my lack of a Zeiss 180mm lens.

Here was where I met Daniel Kramer, Houston Press photographer extraordinaire, who regaled me with stories of being escorted back to the pen by WWE security when he had the temerity to go use the bathroom. Disenchanted with the idea of spending the rest of the night taking ineffective pictures with an inadequate camera, I decided to make my escape.

Funny thing about most entertainment venues, they tend to see a "Media" badge and let you go where you please. Hence the semi-decent shots of the Undertaker-Shawn Michaels and Triple H-Randy Orton bouts I was able to get. Here's a sampling:

I have about ten shots of this stupid star. It just seemed to get bigger as the night wore on, but maybe that was the acid.

The Diva Battle Royale was won by a cross-dresser (look closely at the "lady" in the center), which was only slightly less obnoxious than the Kid Rock set that preceded it.

I don't even know what "jorts" are. And I refuse to Google it.

Woooooo!

I didn't get a shot of it, but Flair's entrance was as classic as Omar Sharif's in Lawrence of Arabia.

Mickey is displeased, both by losing the Best Actor Oscar and by Jericho's disrespect.

The Mexican soccer team has really let itself go.

This is one of the finer examples of "verbing" a noun I've come across. I think this guy taught 7th grade math at College Station Junior High.

A rare photo of the dreaded "Rear Admiral" in action.

His ass is even more spectacular up close.

I still can't get over the fact that there are TVs built right into the fucking ring. That guy in red could easily have stood up and peered over the barricade to see in real life what he was staring at so intently onscreen.

L.O.L.

This guy might have been the most ludicrously dressed person in attendance, including the wrestlers themselves.

Whether your loyalties reside with Cena or the Big Show, you have to admit that the latter has a lot of guts.

With 12 Rounds doing so poorly at the box office, Cena must strut so that we do not see him weep.

Randy Orton is one oily dude.

Triple H is one oily...wait a minute.

"Look into the nipples of the Dragon and despair!" Sorry...watched Excalibur last night.