Nickelback, everybody:
My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
I suspect that once one reaches a certain level of success, the motivation to keep trying becomes harder and harder to retain. Goodness knows if I was in a multi-platinum selling band with legions of adoring (if tone deaf and clinically vegetative) fans and it was time to make a new record, I might just leaf through my Norton's Anthology and Big Book of Confucius Quotes to come up with inspiration, which is obviously what Chad Kroeger did here.
Chorus: If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had, if today was your last day?
What if, what if, if today was your last day?
Assuming today was - indeed - my last, I'm pretty sure "yesterday" would be near the bottom of things I'd want to say goodbye to. Just after ny neighbor's dogs and just ahead of that lady at the YMCA who always manages to engage me in conversation for five minutes when She Who Shall Not Be Named is pulling my arm out of its socket to get to the pool. It's my last day, lady! Go monopolize someone's time who isn't dying.
That reminds me: in the framework of this song, why is today my last day? Do I have cancer? Did the Clanton boys put a price on my head? Killer asteroid? ObamaCare Death Panel(TM)? It's important to know, because I'm sure as hell not going to give away all my money if the world's about to end. Do you know how long it takes nonprofits to put together their budgets?
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
[Chorus]
Because if anyone can counsel the rest of us on the art of being original and not relying on formulaic repetition, it's Nickelback.
There's more. Too much, really. It's an embarrassment of...embarrassments that eventually becomes a blur of fortune cookie sentimentality and inspirational screensaver quotes, so I'll skip to the end.
And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?
Only after a thorough examination of Chad Kroeger's lyrics do we get a real sense of how extensive Hallmark's catalog is. After all, greeting cards simply offer minor variations of commonly expressed sentiments that need to be voiced multiple times through the course of our lives ("Get well soon," or "Thanks for the power drill," or "I forgive you for giving me the clap"). Kroeger does us all a favor by collecting these in one place, so we'll never want for the right cliche again. Mission accomplished.
Now please stop making albums.
A little tidbit of info: The recently announced Rock Band Network (which will enable bands and labels like SubPop to provide downloadable tracks for Rock Band) was referred to internally as “RockBand: Nickelback” so as to keep it secret, since nobody wants to know a damn thing about any such project…
Well, first, Tim McGraw already did that song better: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xSGLZd9Vg4
Not that it’s HARD to do it better…
Beyond that, though, while I myself frequently blog about things that piss me off, I have to say, my next response to this entry was “Some popular song has trite and/or stupid lyrics? Fuck. Alert the media.”
I mean, if you’re going to bitch about stuff, bitch about… I don’t know… the ‘acting’ career of Jon Cryer, or something. I mean, when your best part was named “Duckie”…
Cryer’s best role was either “Max” in Hiding Out or “Frat Boy #3” in Penn and Teller Get Killed, but thanks for reminding me I need to post another update on my fantasy baseball league.
I’ve always found that when considering listening to Nickelback, I’m always better served by opting for Nickel Creek.
Makes me glad I never heard of them.
My favorite example of Nickleback inanity is “Rockstar.” Yeah right, like Chad Kroeger will ever be THAT kind of rock star. Besides, it’s too basic. He wants a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame between Cher and James Dean? So….he wants to drive cars really fast while wearing feather boas and headdresses?
You sir officially have too much time on your hands.
Cryer’s best role was either “Max” in Hiding Out or “Frat Boy #3” in Penn and Teller Get Killed, but thanks for reminding me I need to post another update on my fantasy baseball league.
Nah, Cryer has never equalled the depth and resonance he brought to “Duckie”. It was truly his thespianic equinox. (Thespianic probably shouldn’t be a word, but needs must when Duckies drive.)
He’s had one of those really strange careers, though… although really strange careers seem far more common over the last several decades in Hollywood than otherwise. He goes from making a lot of not particularly good movies to making not particularly good television shows, kicks his way through a few of those before his agent finally manages to get him onto CBS, where terminal mediocrity is the key to eternal electronic life. It would take something like nuclear winter to get TWO AND A HALF MEN off the air, and it’s probably the worst sustained effort he’s ever been involved in… but that’s CBS for you, distilling the absolute worst out of all its participants, embalming the end product, and keeping it on display forever like a preserved moose.
Probably the strangest career path I’ve noted recently, though, is that GALAXY QUEST kid. He had a pretty big part in that movie, arguably saving the day at two crucial plot moments, went from there to a steady part on ED, and now he’s the incarnate avatar of all Macintosh computers. I hope he’s putting some money in the bank…
“It would take something like nuclear winter to get TWO AND A HALF MEN off the air…”
Particularly since CBS renewed it for three seasons back in March.
Just the other day I was reflecting on how awesome it would be to go to a Hallmark store, measure the dimensions of the plastic dividers that go in their greeting card shelves, get the font just right, and make my own divider that reads I’M GLAD YOU’RE DEAD. Then I could make my own line of cards on that theme, complete with envelopes, and drop them and the divider into place when nobody is watching. I think this could be terrific, especially if somebody buys one.
Speaking of lyric deconstruction, today I realized the uttermost zen futility of Jon Bon Jovi informing us that he is wanted, dead or alive. If you already knew this, Jon is wasting his criminal breath. If you didn’t already know this, you might attempt to collect what is surely a hefty bounty for the honey-voiced one, and Jon has only doomed himself. Reflect upon this koan, student.