I used to have a "Kinky for Governor" graphic up on the blog. I admit, I initially liked the idea of an iconoclastic outsider shaking things up, and he appeared to annoy both sides of the spectrum equally, which is always amusing. The graphic came down, however, because I got tired of waiting for him to get serious. He's gotten a little better at outlining his positions on certain issues, but the whole campaign still feels like a gimmick.
Having said that, I still may head over to Hans' Bier Haus today (July 29) between 3:00 and 6:00, where - according to the official newsletter I received last week - the Kinkster will be in attendance, meeting his potential constituents.
Assuming She Who Shall Not Be Named can be torn away from her kitchenette, that is.
Or at least another chain bookstore:
Three Houston landmarks, including the Landmark River Oaks Theatre and the Bookstop in the former Alabama Theater, have been declared endangered by the Greater Houston Preservation Alliance.
The alliance has learned, spokesman David Bush said Friday, that two buildings in the River Oaks Shopping Center could face demolition within two years.
The center is controlled by Weingarten Realty Investors, a Houston-based company that owns and manages about 300 retail properties in the southern United States.
A Weingarten spokeswoman would not confirm the company's plans for the shopping center.
[...]
The GHPA has repeatedly tried to discuss the buildings with Weingarten Realty but has been rebuffed, Bush said.But a half-dozen tenants of the River Oaks Shopping Center told the Houston Chronicle that a Weingarten's leasing agent informed them of plans to raze parts of the historic shopping center.
The first domino to fall, they said, would be the River Oaks Shopping Center building at the northeast corner of Shepherd and West Gray. Erected in 1937, the curved art deco building is "of national significance," architecture historian Stephen Fox said.
Three Brothers Bakery co-owner Robert Jucker said that when he confronted the leasing agent about rumors the building was to be demolished, she confirmed them, and told him that it would remain standing through the end of this year. "But she wouldn't give me that in writing," he said.
The bakery, located for 17 years in the strip between the Black-Eyed Pea restaurant and Jos. A. Bank clothing store, is on a month-to-month lease, Jucker said.
A number of River Oaks Shopping Center tenants — including owners of Archway Gallery, Chase's Closet and Laff Stop — said that a Weingarten's leasing agent told them the Black-Eyed Pea building would be replaced with a multistory Barnes & Noble.
[...]
Opened in 1939, the River Oaks is Houston's oldest functioning movie theater.
I saw Bubba Ho-Tep at the Landmark River Oaks and got to meet Bruce Campbell that night as well. The Thing That Walks Like A Man and I sat with Joe R. Lansdale and his famlily, marveling in their unmistakeably East Texas grooviness.
That fascinating tidbit aside, when you can go to any of our dozen or so megaplexes and see Little Man on six screens (and have it sell out five of those), preserving one of the few theaters devoted to independent films would seem like a no-brainer. Especially one on which, as far as my experience goes, audiences tend to shut the fuck up and turn off their cell phones. When a city of over four million can barely support three theaters of this kind, however, all bets are off. And with the exception of special screenings like the aforementioned, the LRO doesn't sell out that much.
The Laff Stop is another story entirely. It used to be the only game in town, but then the Improv showed up. Now, big acts go to the Improv, and really big acts play the Verizon Ampitheater.
But don't believe me, check out the coming attractions for the Laff Stop:
Tom Wilson (Biff from Back to the Future) - July 26-29
Bert Kriescher (Fresh Baked Video Games) - August 2-5
Robert Wuhl (Arliss) - August 10-12
Josh Blue (the hippie nutbag from Last Comic Standing) - August 16-19
Robert Kelly (one of the guys on Tourgasm who isn't Dane Cook) - August 30-Sept. 2
Godfrey (the 7Up guy) - Sept. 20-23
And it goes on like this.
The Improv's strength of schedule isn't that much more impressive, but they do have guys like Dave Attell, Pablo Francisco, and Jim Norton coming up (guys who used to play the Laff Stop, it should be noted). And both clubs are suffering from big names like Lewis Black and Dave Chappelle moving on to even larger venues.
In addition to the two segments of the River Oaks center, the preservation alliance placed the art deco Alabama Shepherd Shopping Center on its endangered list because of fears that Barnes & Noble would close the Bookstop if it built in River Oaks. Weingarten also controls The Alabama Center.
Responding to questions via e-mail, Barnes & Noble Inc. spokeswoman Carol Brown wrote that the company had "made no announcement of plans to build in the River Oaks Shopping Center." Brown wouldn't say whether such plans existed.
She also said the chain had no "immediate" plans to move from the Bookstop location.
In 1989, Bookstop won national attention for its creative preservation of the Alabama movie theater, built in 1939. Nine years later, Barnes & Noble bought the Bookstop chain.
Ironically, B&N probably duffed that hand-off when they allowed the Bookstop to keep its old name. In a city with two Starbucks less than 150 feet from each other and Pappasitos as the most popular Mexican restaurant chain, they should've realized that masquerading as an independent bookstore wasn't going to cut it. Now, we stand to lose the best travel book and magazine section in town for the 30 tomes on London and the 20 copies of Maxim and Us Weekly available in your average Barnes & Noble.
I like the aesthetics of the Alabama shopping center as well as anyone, but Cactus lost money and Whole Foods moved on to greener pastures. The Bookstop can't anchor that site in its present incarnation, which is too bad. It was also too bad the Ale House couldn't hold its own against a goddamn Border's Bookstore parking lot, but that's Houston.
Don't worry though; I'm sure the Cingular Wireless store and Curves franchise will be just as pleasantly quirky in their new building.
Two reviews this week. The first is for M. Night Shyamalan's latest, Lady in the Water (1.5 stars). The Wife thinks I got a little personal. If I did, he started it.
The second was for Monster House (4.5 stars). Very enjoyable, and it was written by none other than Dan Harmon and Rob Schrab.
For those not in the know, Harmon and Schrab made a quickly forgotten (at the time) TV pilot called Heat Vision and Jack. Schrab, however, has a pretty extensice (and robot heavy) résumé besides. As I've been a longtime fan of the guy, I thought I'd share it with you.
First, he wrote a criminally underappreciated comic book called Scud: The Disposable Assassin, following a robot killer for hire on his various misadventures.
Then there's his short film called Robot Bastard. I'll let the synopsis on Schrab's page speak for itself:
The President's Daughter has been kidnapped by the brilliant super-criminal Blood Mamba. All rescue attempts have been thwarted by the evil genius. There's only one thing left to do: send in the Robot. The Robot must fight zombie-monsters and insecurity in order to complete his suicidal mission.
He also directed an awesome robot-themed video for Death Cab for Cutie's "Crooked Teeth."
Finally, he had a bit part in My Big Fat Independent Movie. This is probably a less impressive acheivement (and doesn't involve robots), but my affiliation with Film Threat requires that I bring it up.
In the interest of full disclosure following the flap between morning TV quote whore Joel Siegel and backpedaling director Kevin Smith, I should mention that I've walked out on two movies I was supposed to review. The first was Destricted, a horrible anthology of sexually-themed shorts I saw at Sundance this year. I left with roughly ten minutes running time to go, mercifully delivered from my ordeal by a call from a fellow Film Threat writer, summoning me to the bar at the Yarrow Hotel. The second time, I lasted through less than 30 minutes of Date Movie, mostly because I had other shit on my mind.
Both times I went ahead and reviewed the films in question. I didn't divulge the fact regarding Destricted, but did with Date Movie. Now it's all out in the open, and I can continue guilt free.
For those unaware of the situation, here are the relevant details:
So last night, at a press screening of “Clerks II” in New York City, “Good Morning America” movie critic Joel Siegel decided he’d had enough of my shenanigans, and walked out of the flick at the forty minute mark. You’d imagine this would bother me, and yet, I’m as delighted by this news as I was with the eight minute standing ovation “Clerks II” received in Cannes.
I mean, it’s Joel Siegel, for Christ’s sake. As Paul Thomas Anderson once said of the man, getting a bad review from Siegel is like a badge of honor. This is the guy who stole his mustachioed critic shtick from Gene Shalit years ago, and still refuses to give it back. This is a guy who seemingly prides himself on being “punny” - that is, he likes to add his own nyuk-nyuk wordplay into the reviews he writes/gives.
For “Pirates", he made us all titter with “Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Fun”.
For Pixar’s lastest, he made us squeal with delight when he wrote “Wheelie Good Time for ‘Cars’”.
[...]
I can’t fault Mr. Siegel for feeling “revolted” (his producer’s description of Joel’s reaction) by our flick; in truth, there is a donkey show in it, and I recognize that brand of whimsy might not be for everybody. Film appreciation is very subjective, and maybe Joel just isn’t into ass-to-mouth conversations.However, I CAN fault him for the manner in which he left the screening.
Apparently, rather than quietly exit, both Joel and his Cum-Catcher (my slang for the fancy kind of mustache he sports) made a big stink about walking out, calling as much attention to himself as possible, and being generally pretty disruptive.
Check this shit out: roughly forty minutes into the flick, when Randal orders up the third act donkey show, Siegel bellowed to his fellow critics "Time to go!" and "This is the first movie I’ve walked out of in 30 fucking years!"
Pretty weak. I realize Siegel is the movie guy on Good Morning, America and, were I in his shoes, I'd be an insufferable prick as well, but there's no call for that kind of crap. In any of the movies I've exited prematurely (whether I was reviewing them or not) I simply got up and left. Fine, maybe I was muttering under my breath a bit, but that was all.
Then again, it isn't like Siegel could hope to gain some cred back by slagging Clerks II, and Smith has been dealing with critical and fanboy backlash ever since Mallrats. This particular imbroglio couldn't happen at a more opportune time for the release of his new movie.
Nahhhh.
Cardinal rule of movie-going: shut your fucking mouth while the movie’s playing. They even ask you to do so in the pre-show run-up to every flick (”Cell phones and pagers off, no talking during the show”). This guy went beyond talking, even; he was making a spectacle of himself as he left. I’ve now spoken to three folks in attendance last night, and all have said that Siegel WANTED everyone to know how disgusted he was, and that he was leaving. If you want to share your displeasure with everyone, that’s fine, dude; just do it AFTER the movie, not during. Some folks were enjoying themselves. I don’t come down to your job and slap the taste out of your mouth for coming up with a line like “‘Shark Tale’ Is a Halibut Good Time”; so don’t fuck with my stuff WHILE IT’S STILL SCREENING.
I haven't seen Clerks II, and since it appears there will be as many as three reviews for it on Film Threat this weekend, I'm in no particular hurry to do so. Having said that, Smith should probably milk this for all its worth. Being perpetually late on your comic book dealines and revisiting the rapidly dwindling well of the View Askewniverse won't get you invited to speak on college campuses forever.
The third anniversary of A Perfectly Cromulent Blog was last Friday. I didn't make that big of a deal about it at the time because...I forgot, quite frankly. I don't remember if I even brought it up at Saturday's Beerfest, but then, I don't remember a hell of a lot after about 10 PM anyway (thank you St. Arnold's Summer Pils).
I mention it now because you're going to be seeing some changes at the ole blog. Nothing exciting - like a new template or guest bloggers, and nothing mildly interesting - like pictures of my pets. Which, considering I don't have any, is fairly unsurprising.
No, I'm just going to be posting a lot less.
When I started APCB in 2003, one of my reasons was keeping my "writing chops" honed. Sure, I was writing reviews and a column for Film Threat, but nothing that required a lot of constant practice. The blog was a useful and fun way to try goofing around with things I didn't usually write about. I also enjoyed meeting others who suffered from the same strange urge to share their thoughts with strangers.
I've alluded to certain events of the last several months that have put some strains on our family unit. I haven't gone into much detail to this point...and I still won't. Suffice it to say these events, or rather the time required to deal with them, have contributed to my decision.
Another factor (and a less depressing one) at play is my ongoing attempt to get someting off the ground in the freelance writing department. I have several projects in the works, a couple of which look fairly promising. Unfortunately, the demands of a full-time job, a full-time kid, and a marriage (to a woman who complains remarkably little about my abandoning her two or three nights a week to see movies without her) mean my available time for working on the freelance stuff is limited to the very early morning or late evening hours. Something's got to give, and - for now - it's the blog.
I'll still post, the volume will just be scaled back to twice or three times a week. I appreciate the readers I have, and I still like being a smartass, so hopefully going from full to part-time won't cost me all my visitors.
And I promise, if any of these projects pan out, y'all will be at least the 50th or 60th persons to know.
Later.
Reviewed two movies last week. I avoided Little Man, mostly because I wanted to avoid further disillusionment when I realized my (most likely) negative write-up would have no impact on its no doubt impressive box office. Mission accomplished, as it grossed $21 million and I am able to stave off my utter loathing of humanity for one more precious week.
Anyway, A Scanner Darkly got three stars. You, Me and Dupree, one-and-a-half The former was a pretty good PKD adaptation, if not a great film. The latter...well, Kate Hudson's in her underwear a lot.
And on a completely unrelated note, the best song on Sirius right now is "Connecticut's for F*cking" by Jesus H. Christ and the Four Hornsmen.
It's this Saturday, July 15. Rationalization here.
The time is "around" 7:00, though I expect people will be filtering in and out all night. Rudz is at 2010 Waugh (map), and parking...well, let's just say I hope you don't value your car's undercarriage.
But who cares? The beer's cold, and so is the sweet, sweet refrigerated air. They also serve food (sandwiches and pub grub) that is surprisingly good, so you've got that covered. RSVPs aren't necessary, so just look for me. I'll be the one loudly arguing the merits of the Spice Girls, wearing a yellow shirt with Chinese dragons on them and a crappy straw cowboy hat.
If The Wife lets me out of the house like that, I mean.
I knew I was a YouTube addict when I actually registered in order to collect all my precious discoveries in one place. They range from the wistfully nostalgic (Warren Zevon performing "Splendid Isolation" on Letterman in 1989) to the guiltiest of guilty pleasures ("Flash's Theme" by Queen, complete with super awesome soundbites). From the old ("The Sun Always Shines on TV" - a-ha) to the very old ("Don't Stop Me Now" - Queen again) to the new ("Sing Me Spanish Techno" - New Pornographers), it's an embarrassment of riches. The key word, in my case, being "embarrassment."
To that end, I'll share with you one of my favorite finds. I won't claim it's the weirdest thing out there, far from it, but it definitely ranks as one of the more...esoteric pairings I've come across. I put it up there with David Bowie singing "The Little Drummer Boy" with Bing Crosby and Mike Ditka appearing with Cathy Guisewite's "Cathy" in that animated McDonald's commercial I'm still not sure I didn't hallucinate. Ladies and germs, I give you the Circle Jerks, at CBGB's, singing the Soft Boys' "I Wanna Destroy You."
Truly you could see at least three of these coming...
Maybe I'm getting soft, but this doesn't look utterly horrible. Stallone may never again be the chiseled dwarf of Rocky IV, and the premise - computer simulation projects past champion defeats current champion - won't be that ridiculous to anyone who pitted the '78 Steelers against the '90 Cowboys in Madden 2000, but so what? He's beating up on sides of beef and wearing that damn hat again, let's do this.
I'm crossing my fingers for a Mr. T cameo.
I am an unapolgetic fan of the Jackass franchise, and this trailer made me laugh ot loud. They're not hurting anyone but themselves, and - face it - watching a blindfolded Johnny Knoxville get potentially gored by a bull is disturbingly satisfying. I'd see this even if I didn't get in for free.
Of course (and there isn't a trailer yet) not all the news is good:
You know you're getting old when they remake beloved films from your early childhood, well that treatment is set to happen to one of mine. According to Reuters who reports Raven Symone is attached to star in the Walt Disney Pictures remake of '80s cult favorite "Adventures in Babysitting".
The original "Babysitting", also known as "A Night on the Town" in foreign territories, followed a high school senior (Elisabeth Shue) who gets stuck baby-sitting a bunch of kids. The dull night is interrupted when she gets a call for help from a friend (Penelope Ann Miller) stuck downtown, leading her and the kids into a night of misadventures. The original movie marked the directorial debut of Chris Columbus ("Mrs. Doubtfire", "Harry Potter 1 & 2").
It was also Columbus' only good movie, but that's a topic for another day.
I mentioned in one of the reviews I'm too lazy to look up that every movie that's precious to you is going to be remade at some point and you might as well get used to it. Granted, there are a couple dozen "classics" that are probably safe (The Godfather, The Bridge over the River Kwai, and Dr. Strangelove come to mind), but everything else is fair game.
Now, I'm prepared for remakes of Big Trouble in Little China and Buckaroo Banzai, but understand something: if Lynda Carter first caused my pre-adolescent loins to stir, Adventures in Babysitting (and The Karate Kid) proved conclusively to me that I was a heterosexual. I will not sit quietly at this affront to Elisabeth Shue just because Raven Symone wants leverage to get out of her Nickelodeon contract.
Lynda Obst, who produced the 1987 original with Debra Hill, is on board to produce the remake. David Stem and David Weiss wrote the script for the new "Babysitting."
You're all on the list.
Just a preliminary heads-up that I'm planning on throwing the 3rd APCB Beerfest this Saturday, July 15, at Rudyards in steamy, sultry H-Town. While previous affairs have been more kid-friendly, Rudz is decidedly not so. It is often smoky, and occasionally someone will inexplicably play "Surfing Bird" by the Cramps five times in a row on the jukebox (cough), but it is indoors and mercifully refrigerated. No disrespect to Jackie and Paul at Hans' Bier Haus, but I'd like to host one of these where I don't suffer heat exhaustion immediately following.
More details to come. Right now I'm thinking 7-ish (no kids doesn't mean I'm 19 again and just starting my evening at midnight, after all). The Rudyards web site is here. Map is here.
Hope to see you there, in spite of the short notice.
Companies attempting to profit from their unironic acceptance of the "jive" subtitles from Airplane will have to stick to the Veggie Tales series from now on:
A federal judge in Colorado has handed the entertainment industry a big win in its protracted legal battle against a handful of small companies that offer sanitized versions of theatrical releases on DVD.
The case encompasses two of Hollywood's biggest headaches these days: the culture wars and the disruptive influence of digital technologies.
Senior U.S. District Court Judge Richard Matsch came down squarely on the side of the Directors Guild of America and the major studios in his ruling that the companies must immediately cease all production, sale and rentals of edited videos. The summary judgment issued Thursday requires the companies -- Utah-based CleanFlicks, CleanFilms and Play It Clean Video, Arizona-based Family Flix USA and the separate entity CleanFlicks of Colorado -- to turn over all existing copies of their edited movies to lawyers for the studios for destruction within five days of the ruling.
Utah's CleanFlicks, which describes itself as the largest distributor of edited movies, through online sales and rentals and sales to video stores in Utah, Arizona and other states in the region, said it would continue its fight against the guild and the studios. CleanFlicks and the others make copies of official DVD releases and then edit them for sex, nudity, violence and profanity.
One wonders if any changes were made to the CleanFlicks version of The Passion of the Christ.
You don't get it both ways, guys: if the movies presented as are aren't to your liking, make your own. You don't get to alter a director's work without his approval. I realize our "human laws" don't hold up against the teachings of Jesus (or Joseph Smith, whoever), so maybe you ask him to pay your legal fees.
CleanFlicks and the others maintained their edited DVDs were legal under fair use guidelines that allow for the use of copyrighted material in criticism, news reporting, parody and other circumstances. The slogan on the CleanFlicks Web site is "It's About Choice." An online listing for Family Flix's offerings on the Web site of the Mormon-based Meridian magazine noted that the content snipped out of its edited videos included all references to "homosexuality, perversion and co-habitation."
Interesting where these people put their priorities when it comes to "choice."
And everybody knows homosexuals are often the only watchable part of most Hollywood releases. A Rupert Everett-less My Best Friend's Wedding would have roughly as many laughs as The Deer Hunter.
Joel Schumacher's Batman movies must've been a bitch to edit.
The mainstreaming of sophisticated digital editing technologies has fueled the cottage industry of movie sanitizers. CleanFlicks and others purchase an official DVD copy of a film on DVD for each edited version of the title they produce through the use of editing systems and software. The official release disc is included alongside the edited copy in every sale or rental transaction conducted. As such, the companies argued that they had the right on First Amendment and fair use grounds to offer consumers the alternative of an edited version for private viewing, so long as they maintained that "one-to-one" ratio to ensure that copyright holders got their due from the transactions. Matsch disagreed.
"Their business is illegitimate," the judge wrote in his 16-page ruling. "The right to control the content of the copyrighted work ... is the essence of the law of copyright."
Let's be honest; these same directors routinely sell the rights to their movies to TV networks for prime time airing. But at the same time, they retain a say in what kind of content cuts are made. CleanFlicks and their ilk didn't just edit out profanity and nudity, but also anything ideologically opposed to their pig ignorant worldview.
Obviously, not everyone agrees with my sage analysis...
Early on, the legal sparring involved Salt Lake City-based ClearPlay, which offers video filtering software that allows for home viewing of cleaned-up versions of Hollywood titles.
ClearPlay offers software programs developed for specific titles that users can run on their computer or ClearPlay's proprietary DVD player along with an official copy of the DVD. With this technology, a nude shot of an actor can be altered to show a silhouette, or profanity can be bleeped out. Because ClearPlay's technology does not involve making an altered DVD copy, it has been shielded from the copyright infringement claims. The debate over movie content filtering activities made its way into Congress, which passed the 2005 Family Movie Act that protects ClearPlay and other software-based filtering companies. Matsch noted that Congress at that time had the opportunity to also carve out legal protections for CleanFlicks and its ilk, but chose not to.
[...]
Matsch's opinion could wind up eliminating most of ClearPlay's competition, but company CEO Bill Aho still criticized Matsch's reasoning."While it may be good for ClearPlay Inc., it's bad for parents," Aho said. "Moms and dads need all the help they can get to protect their kids, and these companies were providing a valuable service."
Please don't presume to speak for me, Bill. I make damn sure the most adult thing She Who Shall Not Be Named sees on TV is Buddy Guy on Jack's Big Music Show. We save Deadwood - in all its cocksucking glory - for when she's safely in bed.
Or worse, for Zinedine Zidane to freaking headbutt him in the chest:
A rather inauspicious way to end a career, to put it mildly.
UPDATE: And Italy wins on PKs. Bravo, Zizou.
Two outs, two strikes, bases empty, Cardinals trailing the Astros in the ninth, bottom of the order at the plate ... and still the crowd at Minute Maid Park was tense. They'd had their hearts broken by Albert Pujols before. On Saturday afternoon, the MVP did it again.
But first his supporting cast had to give him the chance.
The Cards scratched out a remarkable two-out rally against Brad Lidge in the ninth to force extra innings, and Pujols capped the comeback with a solo homer off Houston ace Roy Oswalt in the 10th. St. Louis beat the Astros, 7-6, in a game fully worthy of the superb playoff series the same two clubs played the past two years.
I don't know how remarkable it is to get runs on Lidge anymore. His slider is still effective, but it's the only pitch he has outside of a hanging fastball, which he has to throw eventually. Wiser baseball pundits than myself continue to stroke the guy's ego, and he does have 21 saves on the season, but last night's blown save gives him four for the year, the same as he's had for each of the last two seasons total. He still gets the strikeouts, but his ERA is over twice what it was for 2005.
Gloating aside, the NL Central is a dismal division right now. Last night's win was just the Cards' 5th in their last 18 games. The only teams out of the hunt are the Cubs (snicker) and the Pirates. Well, and the Reds, who we all know are going to crap out by the end of the season. The Astros are only 5 games back, and St. Louis seems unable to put any distance between themselves and the rest of the pack.
Last night was sweet to watch, though. Especially, after seeing C. Ronaldo and his fellow flopping pretty boys get their asses handed to them by Germany.
UPDATE: No really, nothing wrong with Lidge.
In case you hadn't heard, the Pirates of the Caribbean sequel opened this weekend, to the tune of $55 million. This puts it on pace to beat Spider-Man 2 for best three-day opening. It is, of course, an "event" movie, which means the opinions of pompous gasbags like myself matter even less than usual.
Nevertheless, my hard-hitting and incisive review is up for your ridicule at Film Threat.
As always, please ignore those annoying goddamned advertising links littering the site like so many cigarette butts in a sandbox.
- I kind of like the Jon Lovitz Subway commercials. I attribute it to a fond recollection of his Llewelyn Sinclair character on The Simpsons.
- Deep Blue Sea is one of those movies I can't help watching. I should probably just buy it, but it airs so much on TNT I don't see the point.
- Ditto for The Mummy, though we actually did own this at one point. And to which one of you did I loan our Casablanca DVD?
- The trailers to Monster House look pretty good. I think it might be this year's Sky High.
- Half of my Sunday night TV viewing isn't really a "guilty pleasure" thing, as I consider The Venture Brothers to be one of the finest shows on TV right now. The other half, Cheaters, is decidedly not.
- I like blogging, but am rapidly running out of free time with which to keep it up.
Convicted Enron Corp. founder Ken Lay, who was found guilty of helping perpetuate one of the most sprawling business frauds in U.S. history, has died of a massive coronary. He was 64.
Nicknamed "Kenny Boy'' by President Bush, Lay led Enron's meteoric rise from a staid natural gas pipeline company formed by a 1985 merger to an energy and trading conglomerate that reached No. 7 on the Fortune 500 in 2000 and claimed $101 billion in annual revenues.
Click to learn more...He was convicted May 25 along with former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling of defrauding investors and employees by repeatedly lying about Enron's financial strength in the months before the company plummeted into bankruptcy protection in December 2001. Lay was also convicted in a separate non-jury trial of bank fraud and making false statements to banks, charges related to his personal finances. He was scheduled to be sentenced Oct. 23.
[...]
According to a statement from the Pitkin County Sheriff's Office, deputies and an ambulance had been sent to Lay's Old Snowmass home at 1:41 a.m. for a medical emergency. Lay was then transported to Aspen Valley Hospital where he was pronounced dead at 3:11 a.m. A coroner's autopsy is pending.Pat Worcester, executive assistant to CEO at Aspen Valley Hospital, said the hospital would release a statement later.
Skilling told The Associated Press that he was aware of Lay's death, but declined further comment.
Prosecutors in Lay's trial declined comment today, both on his unexpected death and what may become of the government's effort to seek a $43.5 million judgment from Lay that they say he pocketed as part of the conspiracy.
Not to sound to macabre, but I'm going to channel the spirit of Ed Rooney and tell them they need to produce a body before I'm buying it. The guy was looking at spending the rest of his life in prison, so I'm laying odds on either "self-induced heart attack" or "fled to South Pacific with ill-gotten funds."
Skilling probably declined further comment because he was pissed off for not thinking of it first.
Not much to report. I spent most of yesterday putting together furniture and reconfiguring She Who Shall Not Be Named's playroom into something that would put Hef's mansion to shame.
Or would if my daughter were not, in fact, a girl.
Today will be spent working on a project that will theoretically make me richer than a Nazi if I can ever sell it. Otherwise, it'll be a 800 Kb addition to my folder of crap nobody finds hilarious but me.
SWSNBN is watching Sesame Street now, "Elmo's World" specifically. My favorite part of the show is always when the red bastard taunts a newborn in his "Ask a Baby" segment. Whether the question pertains to getting dressed or hopping or eating vegetables, the poor kid just sits their, expressionless (though sometimes agog at the furred abomination laughing in his/her face), while Elmo leans in for a condescending kiss. Shameful.
I mean, I've mocked my daughter's lack of Star Wars knowledge and inability to hold a ball before, but I was never...systematic about it.
A handful of trailers for some high-profile and/or lowbrow movies debuted this last week. Let's take a look, even though it might take away from valuable time better spent discussing Nicole Kidman's marriage.
I'm sure if I tried hard enough, I could find info on the internut about how they're planning on introducing the symbiotic suit, and why Gwen Stacy's just now showing up. For now, I'll simply amuse myself with thoughts of the other ways in which Raimi is going to try and respond to the no-doubt countless e-mails he received from Sony execs asking him to make Spider-Man more "tortured" and "dark" following the success of Batman Begins.
Some suggestions:
1. Peter fails to stop a runaway school bus because he's too engrossed in decorating his MySpace page with shirtless black and white photos of himself.
2. Spider-Man costume no longer includes a mask, because it messes up his bangs. Other additions: a big-ass belt and black Converse All-Stars.
3. While cutting himself to show the world his pain, accidentally(?) disables his web slingers.
4. Refuses to give up front row seats to the Dashboard Confessional concert at Irving Plaza when MJ is kidnapped by the Sandman. Later agonizes about this decision in his journal.
5. Soundtrack consists of nothing but AFI, My Chemical Romance, and Taking Back Sunday. Actually, this was probably going to happen anyway.
6. Converts to straight-edge and pummels anyone who calls him "emo" to within an inch of their life.
Pros:
+ Giant robots
+ Mayhem on the scale of a Toho movie, only with a budget of greater than $75
+ Giant goddamn robots
Cons:
- Michael "Armageddon" Bay
- Michael "Pearl Harbor" Bay
- Guys, it's Michael Bay
This joke has long since gone from "getting old" to "shovefuls of dirt in the face." Had it opened a month ago however, I feel comfortable in saying it would've given The Passion of the Christ a run for its money.