A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

How's your pork?

Gentlemen, start your panic:

The Houston area's first local resident to be diagnosed with swine flu has been confirmed in Fort Bend County.

Officials at Fort Bend County's health department said early Wednesday evening that they just received confirmation of the case from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

The resident, a teenage girl, was not hospitalized and is recovering, said the officials. She is a student in Bellaire at Episcopal High School, which starting Thursday will close through the weekend.

STOP ILLEGAL IMMIGRATION FROM FORT BEND COUNTY!

The confirmation came a half a day after the CDC announced that a nearly 2-year-old Mexico City boy who fell ill in Brownsville and was transported for treatment at Texas Children's Hospital in Houston was the first U.S. death.

According to WHO, 26 cases of swine flu have thus far been confirmed in Mexico. Of those, seven resulted in death. We know nothing of what other factors were involved in those deaths. None of the 128 worldwide cases have so far proven fatal.

Meanwhile. guess what's killed more than 13,000 Americans since January?

Since January, more than 13,000 people have died of complications from seasonal flu, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's weekly report on the causes of death in the nation.

No fewer than 800 flu-related deaths were reported in any week between January 1 and April 18, the most recent week for which figures were available.
[...]
Worldwide, the annual death toll from the flu is estimated to be between 250,000 and 500,000.

Wash your hands, sure, and practice common sense, but can we hold off on the comparisons to 1918 for a bit? At least until the "2009 H1N1 Flu" - as we're being instructed to call it - has shown itself to be more dangerous than tonsilitis?

Otherwise who knows what otherwise preventable tragedies might take place...

"I have something to say:"

"It's better to burn out, than to fade away..."

I love the friends I have gathered on this thin raft of a blog, but the imminent (okay, two months) arrival of the twins and actually getting paid to write (over at Hair Balls) has cut heavily into my output here. However, while I realize people always threaten to shut down their blogs and that most such threats are as empty and futile as a man's promises in bed, I am personally promising not to quit APCB until I've done the following:

1. Publish one of those Friday Random Ten playlists - Because everyone is so curious about the number of Air Supply songs I have on iTunes.

2. Out every closeted gay person on my blogroll.

3. Raise $10,000 in PayPal donations to fund a study on the feasibility of outlawing the Chicago Cubs and sending their fans back in time to Stalinist Russia.

4. Use the awesome power of the internet to convince Carla Gugino there's nothing wrong with entering into a relationship with a married man.

5. Four words: "Guest blogger Michelle Malkin."

The Whedon-out process

Meant to comment on this Dollhouse-related item a few days ago:

Can Prison Break Save Dollhouse?

Probably not -- but maybe! Certainly Dollhouse's low ratings, Joss Whedon's troubled history with Fox, and the fact that the network is refusing to air the thirteenth episode of the first season all bode poorly for the show's renewal prospects. But now that it's finally rid of the viewership-terminating Sarah Connor Chronicles as a lead-in, can Dollhouse rally? Whedon hopes so!

At Paleyfest yesterday, he acknowledged that the chance of a second season is "not very good" -- but there is, technically, a chance!

"I've gone from a sort of place of 'You don't even care, nobody loves me' [laughs] to a place of God, I can't believe I'm saying this ... hope. We might actually get the chance to do what we're dying to do, which is tell more of these stories with these crazy people because we have so many more yet to come ... Basically it's what happens in the next few weeks; we have a new lead-in, we have a few more episodes coming up -- whether it's 12 or 13 -- they are fierce ... We're going to go out this season with a bang, and hopefully we'll get to come back for Season 2."

Next week's episode of Dollhouse will air after Prison Break, which has already been canceled but is returning for six more episodes following a mid-season break. And its ratings this year are slightly better than The Sarah Connor Chronicles' (5.6 million viewers, on average, compared to SCC's 4.7 million). Still, we can't recall the last time that swapping one canceled show for another canceled show saved a third nearly canceled show from cancellation -- but it's certainly kind of weird to hear Joss Whedon using the word "hope," isn't it?

I can't have been the only one who saw the promos for Dollhouse, heard the words "Friday night" and "Fox," and wondered what the hell Whedon was thinking. I realize it was Dushku's development deal and she brought him on board, but come on. Was he really expecting a square deal from the same network that gave Firefly the shiv and seems to hate any genre show not called The X-Files?

He should be happy Buffy was only on WB, or it would've been shut down after two seasons.

I'm admittedly not as big a fan of the guy as some. I watched Buffy for about four years, never got into Angel, and really enjoyed Firefly. I gave Dollhouse three episodes before deciding I had better things to do with my time (and because Whedon's fetishization of young women masquerading as "empowerment" finally started to wear thin, but that's an entry for another time).

So maybe that's why I'm not feeling the indignation about the show's imminent demise. For starters, Eliza Dushku is not a good enough actress on which to hang a franchise. Second, people need to stop insisting I should "stick with it" because "Episode 9 was really great"...I'm glad these folks have that kind of free time, but I walk out of a 90-minute movie if it doesn't grab me and give a book about 100 pages before moving on. Am I really supposed to devote 8 hours of my life to a TV show before it starts to get good? Aren't the really memorable TV shows the ones that nail it from the get-go?

I don't read all his interviews, but has Whedon ever considered doing something with the SciFi...sorry, SyFy Network? Battlestar Galactica might have succeeded on network TV, but I wouldn't count on it. And if Stargate can become a venerable and respected franchise, it seems like Whedon wouldn't have any problem developing his shows at the pace he seems determined to set.

"He's still funny, just not 'ha ha' funny."

I consider myself a comedy egalitarian, in that I can usually find a laugh in anything from the relatively erudite humor of McSweeney's to dumb shit like those "bacon bacon bacon" commercials or Bachelor Party.

Mostly we're talking about guffaws and not honest belly laughs, however. The things that actually make me lose it are few and far between, and even I can't predict what's going to set me off. For example, the following items, only one of which actually qualifies as "dumb shit," have all literally driven me to tears of laughter in the last few days.

1. Garanimals

The Wife and I don't agree on much in the humor arena, but we've come together on a few things: Eddie Izzard's Dressed to Kill, The State (coming to DVD in July), John Cusack movies (1983-1989), and The Bloggess, who we both agree is a little...unhinged:

2. Victor had to do a redesign on my blog because it kept breaking and now it feels very Swedish and reminds me of tundra. I wanted it to be all ninja-like and remind me of Garanimals. Victor was all "What the fuck are you talking about? What's a Garanimal?" and I'm all "You know. They were like mix and match clothes for rich kids." And then I started talking about how if Garanimals was still in business and I was in their marketing department I'd totally use that Nine Inch Nails song that's all "I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal" and change it to "I Wanna Wear You Like Garanimals" because people would sing it all the time and then Victor was all "What is wrong with you?" and I'm like "That's probably why they went out of business" and Victor was all "Yeah, that's why they went out of business" but then I looked them up and turns out they're still in business and I think I just confused them with the ShirtTales. In other words, I'm not sure if I like my blog redesign.

Trent Reznor hasn't had a hit in a while. Someone hit him up.

2. This picture

I have no explanation for why this makes me laugh as hard as it does, maybe it's the subtle way it juxtaposes Paul Walker's and Vin Diesel's wildly divergent acting styles, or maybe it's the fact I watched all three Fast and Furious movies in a row recently to, uh, prepare for reviewing the latest one and my brain has been abnormally softened.

3. Things I Learn from My Patients

Found in the comments of MetaFilter's Legendary Threads, this is a long-running (six years) series of comments from ER docs and medical students about the helpful life lessons imparted upon them by their patients. Such as:

#6 Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will, somehow, work its way up your rectum.

and

You can hook the nasal cannula to the faucet in your room and use it to take a shower.

Better than the Zombie Survival Guide.

EDIT:

4. And Auto-Tune the News, holy shit...

Confession Time: Supernanny

I've had a bit to drink, so I thought I'd use this opportunity to say I think Jo Frost, of Supernanny fame, is kind of hot.

Especially when the hair comes down.

White riot

Thousands of Caucasian Houstonians gathered today to protest government spending...in a taxpayer-funded public space:

Protesters turned out by the thousands Wednesday in Houston and other cities across the nation to voice their displeasure with big government spending and what they called the erosion of people's constitutional rights.

Among those taking part in the Tax Day Tea Parties was Tim Volzer, who took an hour away from work to attend a rally of 450 people in Pearland pushing for less government spending. The roofing company salesman wore a sign on his back that summed his feelings: "No taxation without representation, Bro."

At Jones Plaza in downtown Houston -- where several thousand people filled the venue to capacity, forcing police to close it off with barricades to prevent more protesters from entering -- Monte Evans, 51, of Houston, wore a T-shirt proclaiming, "I love my Bible and my gun."

Finally, Americans have found their backbone and are standing up to the disastrous effect of massive deregulation, the funding of illegal wars, and the reckless and irresponsible spending policies of the previous admini...wait, what?

The Houston and Pearland rallies were among a dozen locally organized to protest the federal government's billion-dollar economic stimulus packages and bailouts for the banking and auto industries.

Funded by tax dollars...MY tax dollars. You know, the taxes Obama are lowering for most Americans. Those not making over $250K a year, that is.

I'll admit, I'm...curious about how the bailout is going to play out, and I'm not pleased with the lack of oversight for some of the money already distributed, but can we please stop pretending this is some sort of non-partisan, "grassroots" movement. Hmm?

"We're standing up -- Republicans, conservatives, Democrats and Libertarians," said Felicia Cravens of Katy, who organized Houston's Tea Party protest.

"Throw out your labels -- we're Americans!" she yelled to a cheering, raucous crowd standing shoulder to shoulder in Jones Plaza.

Outside the plaza, Rick Tolliver, 55, of Waller, discussed his unhappiness with the national government without singling out any particular political party.

"I don't think either party has represented the American people for the last 35 years," Tolliver said. "Our government has sold us out to larger corporations and to other countries.

"Finally people are starting to get tired of it, and they're starting to do something about it. I don't think the American majority has been represented for a very long time."

I must have missed all those protests - funded and organized by FreedomWorks and Americans for Propserity and endlessly promoted by Fox News - that were taking place during the last eight years. Or does representation somehow end when the guy you voted for lost?

And for the cherry on this nut-covered sundae, I give you Governor Perry:

In Austin, Texas Gov. Rick Perry said he had never before seen a grass-roots efforts so animated, focused and coordinated as he did Wednesday.

"My hope is that America and Washington in particular pays attention," Perry said. "We've got a great union. There's absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, who knows what may come of that."

Because it worked out so well in 1861. In the meantime, I guess Texas will be giving back that FEMA money and sening those border troops back, right?

"Let me tell you of the days of upper middle-class adventure!"

Suppose your son goes to a local high school, one of the few in the area with a rugby team, which he plays for. And suppose that team bills itself as the "Barbarians." Also suppose you're one of those parents who - inadvisedly - advertises their offspring's names and various activities on the back of their Land Rover for every douchebag with a blog to see.

I mean, I'm glad to hear "Christopher" is a Barbarian and all, but I'm not getting a very rapacious vibe.

Mongol General: Hao! Dai ye! We won again! This is good, but what is best in life?
Mongol: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.
Mongol General: Wrong! [Christopher]! What is best in life?
[Christopher]: To attend a Young Life meeting, buy a skinny decaf mochaccino, and ask Ashley to the prom.
Mongol General: That is good! That is good.

His Tree of Woe is probably getting sent to his room with no Xbox.

Ann C. Bolin - 1924 - 2008

So you may have heard that hurricane Ike caused some...issues for my family. We were all in Florida when Ike actually made landfall, happily missing out on the ensuing treefall and only returning the following Tuesday to start the arduous cleanup. What unfortunately fell through the cracks in the subsequent months was an explanation of why we were in Florida in the first place: to visit my (maternal) grandmother, who passed away the week before Ike hit. Great month.

My earliest memories of Grandmom were sitting on her lap at the family's house on Lake Lotawana, reading the Sunday funnies. Me trying to sound out "Good grief" while she smoked and offered encouragement. I'm not editorializing. Not just because I smoked (for far too long), but because it was, in a way, emblematic of her personality: she was stubborn, and probably the last person I knew over the age of 40 who still had the habit.

But she was open, singularly intelligent, and refreshingly free of cant. The Wife and I were there shortly after my grandfather's passing, and fielding a telemarketer's call, Grandmom's only words were, "Sorry. He's dead." Always honest, she became brutally (and hilariously) so in her later years. Every conversation contained new observations about long-gone relations as well as pretty much anybody who hove into view. I assume she liked me and The Wife, because even people in her immediate vicinity were rarely spared.

She came from money (the movie Mr. and Mrs. Bridge was based on the Kansas City social circles in which her family traveled), and never really cared about it. If you showed an interest in any of her numerous first edition books, she'd insist you take it. And when you demurred, saying you could easily get a cheap paperback version at Barnes & Noble, she'd express amazement that you'd spend money to buy the book again.

Grandmom was also one of the smartest people I've ever met. She was a Bryn Mawr grad, but met Granddad during WWII and married him. I always had questions about her college days: What ambitions did she have? Had she ever considered the post-graduate work she once mentioned? Is it true what they say about Mount Holyoke girls?

And to paraphrase Warren Zevon, she was one of the best friends my writing ever had. She encouraged my halting attempts to get my shit together in that regard for years, always offering advice without blowing smoke up my ass. One incident stands out, however: I had contacted a somewhat famous cousin of ours, who has achieved a decent measure of success with his novels, and asked for suggestions on getting a foot in the door. His response, in short, was to tell me what a "lonely pursuit" writing was, and to give up if I wasn't willing to sacrifice everything, including family and other forms of employment. Grandmom, in a letter I will save until my dying day, acidly pointed out the cousin in question was a trust fund baby who'd never had a family or day job and was essentially lonely because nobody - including most of his own family - could stand to be around him.

We'd planned last September's Florida trip several months in advance. Grandmom has lived on her own in Ft. Myers for many years, but shortly after our last visit in 2004 (literally, the day we left), she fell and broke her ankle, limiting her already not-so-great mobility. The following summer, when three major hurricanes hit her part of Florida, led to her finally relenting to my mother's and uncles' insistence that she move into a facility where people could keep an eye on her. Unfortunately, and again I'm thinking of Zevon, a lifetime spent smoking, drinking, and avoiding doctors finally caught up with her. She went rapidly downhill last summer, and though my mother and I bumped our flights up a day to try and get to Tampa before she passed, we ended up landing about an hour too late.

Thanks to Ike-related crapola and the ongoing SWSNBN saga, I've been negligent in getting this entry up. I regret that, especially because Grandmom wasn't one for procrastination (except when it came to doctors, I guess). Mom and my uncles went down last weekend to spread her ashes in the Gulf, so I guess this is as good a time as any to say, I miss you Grandmom. You were never anything but straightforward and supportive, and I think you'd have been a great role model for my daughters.

Well, except for the smoking.

"Just look at these postage stamps: Bugs Bunny, fat Elvis, 'Bats of the Southwest'...all heroes."

Matt Groening is proving himself second only to Gene Simmons in terms of whoring out capitalizing on his creations.

"The Simpsons" has won 24 Emmys over its two-decade and counting run on Fox, spawned a hit movie, and sold billions of dollars in ancillary merchandise. And today, this Sunday night staple became the latest TV classic to be honored by the United States Postal Service with a series of stamps. The five main characters of the cartoon series -- dad Homer, mother Marge, bad boy Bart, sassy Lisa, and silent Maggie -- are featured on a set of 44 cent stamps (the new domestic postal rate) that go on sale May 7.

"The Simpsons" stands alone as the only TV show to be the sole subject of a stamp set while still in production. Said show creator and executive producer Matt Groening, "This is the biggest and most adhesive honor 'The Simpsons' has ever received." And as per exec James L. Brooks, "We are emotionally moved by the Post Office Department's selecting us rather than making the lazy choice of someone who has benefited society." The USPS is promoting this new issue with a contest to pick the favorite of the five stamps designed by Matt Groening.

I put MG behind the God of Thunder because we don't have Simpsons coffins. Yet.

Because you're incapable of Googling this yourself, here are the five designs:

Surely an organization like the USPS, which can use all the funding it can get, could score some quick cash by releasing more than just the five family members? For those of you who still send letters (hi Mom!), wouldn't you prefer being able to more closely align your stamp choice with the addressee? Hank Scorpio for your vaguely megalomaniacal brother, perhaps? Or Lionel Hutz for the lawyer in your life?

No Disco Stu, though. He doesn't advertise.

"Chris Jericho is a piece of shit"

I promise, this is my last WrestleMania post. And it's mainly for those of you who aren't on Facebook and haven't already seen these pics. So...you're welcome.

I got to Reliant Stadium a little after 2 on the Big Day. After checking in, we were ushered to some sort of holding area, where I sat between a German magazine crew and a Mexican TV station. I felt like the Zimmerman telegram. I also learned with a quickness how not to make friends with the WWE staff:

WWE Guy #1: "I'm sorry sir, you can't sit in the press section yet."
Pete: "Oh, no?"
WWE Guy #1: "No sir, they're rehearsing."
Pete: "...You mean it isn't real?"

I got there in time for the Mickey Rourke press conference, which was leading up to the least surprising "surprise" WrestleMania appearance of all time. Flanked by Ricky Steamboat and Ric Flair, he let his feelings about Chris Jericho be known. I wanted to ask him a question, but they reserved actual query time for credible journalists like the guy from Sky News and...ABC 13's Laura Whitley.

He probably wouldn't have found the Kim Basinger stuff funny anyway.

[more fun and photos after the jump]

It took about ten minutes of sitting in the press box to realize I wanted to be anywhere but the press box. The Sputnik's-eye view was nice, and the bratwurst-heavy buffet line a plus, but the idea of spending the next five hours sitting at a desk and watching Jumbotrons from behind double-paned Plexiglas was distinctly unappealing, so I decided to go downstairs.

The elevator guy had other ideas, telling me I needed to be accompanied by someone with an all access pass if I was going to carry a camera around, since I didn't have a "Photo" badge. I was fully prepared to comply, by which I mean I was going to stuff my camera in my backpack and head down the stairs, when one of the WWE guys showed up with several TV crews in tow.

Elevator Guy: He doesn't have a photo badge, so you need to take him to the box.
WWE Guy #2: [to me] We didn't give you a photo badge?
Pete: Nope.
WWE Guy #2: Okay, follow us.

Note that nowhere did I say I was supposed to get a badge, so I don't think you can actually call it lying. At any rate, soon I was safely ensconced with the rest of the press photography corps, separated from the squared circle by a mere 100 feet or so. Eager to look professional, I dug out my camera, oblivious to the stares of my "fellow" photogs who were no doubt snickering at my lack of a Zeiss 180mm lens.

Here was where I met Daniel Kramer, Houston Press photographer extraordinaire, who regaled me with stories of being escorted back to the pen by WWE security when he had the temerity to go use the bathroom. Disenchanted with the idea of spending the rest of the night taking ineffective pictures with an inadequate camera, I decided to make my escape.

Funny thing about most entertainment venues, they tend to see a "Media" badge and let you go where you please. Hence the semi-decent shots of the Undertaker-Shawn Michaels and Triple H-Randy Orton bouts I was able to get. Here's a sampling:

I have about ten shots of this stupid star. It just seemed to get bigger as the night wore on, but maybe that was the acid.

The Diva Battle Royale was won by a cross-dresser (look closely at the "lady" in the center), which was only slightly less obnoxious than the Kid Rock set that preceded it.

I don't even know what "jorts" are. And I refuse to Google it.

Woooooo!

I didn't get a shot of it, but Flair's entrance was as classic as Omar Sharif's in Lawrence of Arabia.

Mickey is displeased, both by losing the Best Actor Oscar and by Jericho's disrespect.

The Mexican soccer team has really let itself go.

This is one of the finer examples of "verbing" a noun I've come across. I think this guy taught 7th grade math at College Station Junior High.

A rare photo of the dreaded "Rear Admiral" in action.

His ass is even more spectacular up close.

I still can't get over the fact that there are TVs built right into the fucking ring. That guy in red could easily have stood up and peered over the barricade to see in real life what he was staring at so intently onscreen.

L.O.L.

This guy might have been the most ludicrously dressed person in attendance, including the wrestlers themselves.

Whether your loyalties reside with Cena or the Big Show, you have to admit that the latter has a lot of guts.

With 12 Rounds doing so poorly at the box office, Cena must strut so that we do not see him weep.

Randy Orton is one oily dude.

Triple H is one oily...wait a minute.

"Look into the nipples of the Dragon and despair!" Sorry...watched Excalibur last night.

Stop the presses

I've been writing for Hair Balls, the Houston Press blog, for a little less than a year now. It's been fun, and they've been remarkably permissive in allowing me to write about pretty much any stupid thing that pops into my head.

One of my latest stupid ideas was attending WrestleMania XXV. Happily, their permissiveness also extends to the print edition, and I actually have a column in this week's paper (page 11, if you feel like picking up a copy...and you live in Houston).

Anyway, here's the link. Hopefully you'll enjoy the Hornswoggle/Kobe Bryant comparison.

Imperialism rears its ugly head

Maybe I'm missing something:

So "Europa" doesn't denote the source of the beans, but rather the Continent's lingering need to exert dominion over the rest of the globe. It's sad, really.

I suppose I could be reading too much into this.

So much for the lysine contingency

Check out this exclusive pic from New Moon, the next movie in the Twilight series:

I must say, I like this new direction the franchise appears to be taking.

Incontrovertible and Hermetic Rules of Modern Life, #7,482

A dreamcatcher hanging from your car's rear view mirror isn't likely to catch anything.

If it does, you've probably got bigger issues than nightmares.

Wolverines

Hundreds of thousands of Wolverines:

The FBI are investigating the online leak of an almost finished copy of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, a month before the film's cinema release.

The Hugh Jackman film was downloaded an estimated several 100,000 times from file sharing websites on Tuesday.

20th Century Fox confirmed the copy had now been removed and the FBI informed.

The studio behind Wolverine stated: "The source of the initial leak and any subsequent postings will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law."

Not to get all Fezzik on Fox here, but I don't think the phrase "the copy has now been removed" means what they think it means. That sucker's on more computers than Conficker by now, and the only thing left to do is speculate about how badly this is going to hurt the movie's box office when it opens May 1.

Fox called the leaked movie a "stolen, incomplete and early version".

Viewers reported that green screens and wires attached to actors were still visible.

One user wrote on film website aintitcool.com: "The CGI is missing and the movie looks horrible without it.

"Even if you see the workprint you're still going to have to go see it in the theatre to fully experience the full movie with CGI effects fully intact."

Far be it from me to disagree with the erudite and well-spoken denizens of an AICN talkback, but the negative word-of-mouth I've been hearing about the movie has little to do with crude explosion animations or temporary music. After all, Iron Man made $319 million domestically after a finished, DVD-quality version was leaked online a week before release.

That's an important distinction. Just about any major Hollywood film (and plenty of smaller ones) are available to download a week or so before they actually hit theaters. The main differences between these and the Wolverine fiasco are that they're 1) usually 2nd or 3rd generation copies someone videotaped in a theater in Hangzhou, and 2) not reported by the freaking BBC and New York Times.

I haven't seen the workprint (no, really), aside from the opening credits and I can definitely understand why people would want to experience a full, finished movie in a theater, if only to see things going "kaboom" and to hear what awesome accompaniment composer Harry Gregson-Williams puts together for Hugh Jackman's numerous shirtless rage scenes. It's not like you could, I don't know, hook your PC up to your 50" Pioneer and watch it free of crying babies and cell phones.

I don't condone piracy (no, really), and I think I've mentioned before that as an aspiring writer I'm deeply uncomfortable with the idea of not reimbursing someone if you enjoy their words/music/movies. That said, the critic in me is laughing my ass off. What's that, Fox? You mean in spite of making me check my cell phone at the door, spying on me during screenings with night-vision scopes, and outright refusing to screen a growing number of movies in advance for the press, someone on your end leaked one of the most anticipated movies of the year on the internet? You mean the hugely lax security procedures in your own houses that allow interns and PAs to walk home with burned DVDs actually caused more harm than my review that came out Thursday instead of Friday? You mean instead of a handful of studio friendly hacks like Peter Travers and Ben Lyons you have to now deal with the sputtering outrage of thousands of fanboys who don't like what you've done with their beloved Deadpool? Boo fucking hoo.

Although several reviews of the incomplete film have appeared online, Fox was quick to praise the reaction of web users to the leak.

"We are encouraged by the support of fansites condemning piracy and this illegal posting and pointing out that such theft undermines the enormous efforts of the filmmakers and actors and, above all, hurts fans of the film" the studio said.

In 2007 director Eli Roth blamed an online leak of his horror film Hostel: Part II for reducing box office returns.

And this is a valid comparison because a shit sequel to a shit torture movie that 99% of downloaders had no intention of buying tickets for anyway and one of the biggest potential blockbusters of 2009 starring one of the biggest stars on the planet are totally the same.

In an interview with MTV [Roth] claimed: "You could buy Hostel: Part II for a quarter in Mexico City. As a result, in a lot of countries where the piracy was bad, they just didn't even release it."

Even in a country where civilians and tourists are routinely robbed and murdered, some things - like allowing the general public to see Hostel: Part II - simply aren't done. Who says Mexico is uncivilized?

"Eh, Rasputin's got the reach, but on the other hand the Professor's got his patented coma lock."

"If you ask me, this is gonna be a hell of a match."

Professional wrestler Randy Orton was getting ready to pound Triple H with a sledgehammer during a recent match when hisfoe's wife stepped into the ring. In a flash, Orton head-dropped the woman to the mat and then kissed her, while Triple H, handcuffed to the ropes, had to watch.

It's the type of drama that keeps millions of World Wrestling Entertainment fans hooked and will be on full display at WrestleMania 25 and surrounding events in Houston starting today.

Houstonians who don't follow wrestling might enjoy another story line: WWE fans pouring in for WrestleMania Week could bring tens of millions of dollars to the city.
[...]
The main event Sunday at Reliant Stadium is expected to draw 70,000 fans.

I'll be there. In what can only be described as a miscalculation on par with the casting of Anakin Skywalker, a certain local weekly has decided to send me to cover Sunday night's main event. I have press credentials and a photographer accompanying me and everything. And why not? I mean, look at this boffo card:

And that's not even countin Kid Rock's "performance," which - depending on when it takes place - might cut my coverage short due to alcohol poisoning.

So many questions: can the Undertaker continue his undefeated streak? Which Hardy wants the "Brother vs. Brother" title more? Can I wear a kilt to show solidarity with Rowdy Roddy Piper? And most importantly, are there any Von Erichs left alive to induct into the Hall of Fame on Saturday?

Your envy is palpable.