She Who Shall Not Be Named hasn't been on the gluten-free part of her GFCF diet for some time, and hasn't shown any ill effects because of it. It's taken a lot of pressure off of us, obviously, and she's enjoying eating tater tots and bread that doesn't taste like sawdust.
We're still buying Glutino brand pretzels (at $7 a bag, he added ruefully), because SWSNBN really likes them, and they're actually pretty damn good. They're made in Israel (which will come into play later) and have nearly the same consistency and taste as the regular kind. And like most of her other remaining specialty foods (coconut milk ice cream), we can get them at just about any of the larger grocery stores, so that's not a problem.
What *is* a problem, and one the price tag makes even more annoying, is the annoying tendency the foil bag has of tearing all the way down the side. Nine times out of ten, I have to dump everything into a jumbo sized Ziploc, or try to chip clip the thing without leaving a pretzel sized hole. Now, as life issues go, it's a minor annoyance. I mention it here because of the exchange it prompted yesterday:
Me: Son of a bitch.
The Wife: What?
Me: This [hold up torn Glutino bag]. They can make one of the most reliable submachine guns in the world, but they can't design a bag that won't rip apart like a wet paper towel.
TW:...the Germans?
Me: *sigh* The Israelis.
TW: Ah. You realize that was probably two different people, right?
Me: Just get me a Ziploc.
The real reason I wanted to annoy you with all of this was to post a clip of the exchange between Joe Friday (Dan Aykroyd) and Rev. Whirley (Christopher Plummer) in Dragnet '87. You know, where Friday tells the Reverend he's up against the finest fighting force ever assembled, and he says, "The Israelis?" But I couldn't find it, so here's the "Dragnet rap instead. I'm sure Tom Hanks loves that this is out there.
Great movie. Seadogs and I learned the whole dance and everything.
If there's anything nerds like better than making anonymous douchebags of themselves on the internet, it's arguing. From Kirk vs. Picard (Kirk), to The Enterprise vs. a star destroyer (star destroyer), to Tom Baker vs. David Tennant (Christopher Eccleston) -- the list of contentious topics is endless. And a frequent subject of debate is the supposed status of Star Wars as the preeminent sci-fi franchise.
Some have been quick to declare the revamped Battlestar Galactica as the heir apparent. And while the recently completed series was mostly impressive, with a new show (Caprica) on the way and a DVD movie (The Plan) coming out this week, I think a little more evidence is needed before reaching a final decision. To add some fuel to the fire, here are some reasons I believe BSG to be superior to Star Wars.
5. Nuclear Fission Exists in the BSG Universe
If the Empire had nukes, they wouldn't have had wait for the Death Star to clear the planet Yavin so it could bring its superlaser to bear on rebel base, and Luke wouldn't have had time to blow it up. There also wouldn't have been any need to use the cool-looking but mind-bogglingly slow AT-Ats to attack the rebels on Hoth, allowing the bulk of the rebel fleet to escape.
And it would've spared Dack an agonizing death.
4. The Colonists Had a Better Democracy
While it often failed miserably, the remaining humans in BSG lived and breathed their democracy (just ask Tom Zarek). The Old Republic, consisting of a messy combination of democratically elected Senators and dictatorial royalty, was outwitted by one measly Sith Lord.
3. BSG's Women Aren't Just Pretty Princesses
In Battlestar Galactica, the President of the Colonies, the fleet's best pilot, and the person most integral to the success of the Cylons' initial attack on mankind are all women, and many more -- of all races -- occupy positions of importance (Boomer/Athena, "Dee" Dualla). In Star Wars, the only females of any significance are petite Caucasian princesses who spend more time getting rescued than they do fighting.
2. There is no Battlestar Galactica Holiday Special
No one should be allowed to complain about BSG's ending, the fate of Starbuck, or "All Along the Watchtower" until they've watched the Star Wars Holiday Special, without fast-forwarding through the Bea Arthur and Jefferson Starship musical numbers. Whatever their other crimes, BSG creators David Eick and Ronald D. Moore won't find themselves in 30 years wishing they could track down and destroy every copy of The Razor, as Lucas has fanatsized about doing to the Holiday Special.
1. Cylons Occasionally Hit What They're Aiming At
And they're robots. Not only were the colonial refugees in actual danger of dying every time they were attacked, the Cylons' armor actually -- you know -- deflected gunfire. Imperial stormtroopers could't hit water if they fell out of a boat, and their armor failed to even prevent diminutive teddy bear creatures from beating them to death with sticks in Return of the Jedi.
Geez, it's dead around here lately. Maybe I should start Twittering.
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Reposted from the Houston Press blog:
If you're a child of the '80s, you should probably come to terms with the fact that every beloved televison memory of yours is eventually going to be dragged screaming into the present day and bastardized for younger audiences. We've already seen two Transformers movies and a G.I. Joe adaptation, and a slew of other 1980s properties are reportedly in the works, proving that not only is Hollywood creatively bankrupt, they're dumber than ever. Or maybe I'm the only one who shudders at the idea of a Snorks feature film.
Undaunted, Hair Balls is using the occasion of this week's release of the Transformer: Revenge of the Fallen DVD to look at some likely candidates for big screen revision. And if you find yourself getting bent out of shape, try to remember that most of these were originally created as vehicles for existing toy lines, so it isn't like creative integrity was ever an issue.
Name: Jem and the Holograms
How it Was Pitched to Executives: [Barbie + Marvel Comics' Dazzler] / Rio album cover "artist" Patrick Nagel
The Plot -- In 30 Words or Less: The alter-ego of Starlight Music owner Jerrica Benton, Jem gets into various G-rated hijinx each week while contending with their bitter rivals, the Misfits. No, not those Misfits.
How Could They Possibly Update it For Sophisticated Modern Audiences? Hannah Montana pretty much exhausted the whole "secret singer identity" thing -- without giving Jem credit, I might add. Let Hillary Duff play Jem and just follow her around as she constantly surprises Miley Cyrus and tries to kick her ass.
Name: Thundercats
How it Was Pitched to Executives: Take Superman's origin story, throw in some He-Man style mythology, and -- just because it's the 80s and we're coked out of our eyeballs -- let's make 'em all cats.
The Plot -- In 30 Words or Less: Youthful leader Lion-O leads a feline phalanx in battle against the mutated armies of the dread Mumm-Ra for the mystic Eye of Thundera. Also, his sword is basically a penis.
How Could They Possibly Update it For Sophisticated Modern Audiences? I know it's been "in development" as a CGI feature for the last five years or so, but there's no escaping the furry fetish aspect of this show, so just run with it. Make the world's first big budget action/porno and lure all the fur freaks into their local theaters, where they'll be sitting ducks for the subsequent napalm strikes.
Name: My Little Pony
How it Was Pitched to Executives: Chicks dig horses, so it would follow that little chicks would dig little horses.
The Plot -- In 30 Words or Less: Multicolored ponies frolic and cavort in a magical land where no one is ever rendered into glue or turned into McRibs.
How Could They Possibly Update it For Sophisticated Modern Audiences? Maybe a darker take on the franchise, where the Ponies go to Washington and get revenge on those guys who ran the horse sex farm. Although honestly I doubt you're ever going to beat Robot Chicken's "Apocalypse Ponies."
Name: Voltron
How it Was Pitched to Executives: Big robots combine to make...an even bigger robot.
The Plot -- In 30 Words or Less: Five robots -- or is it twenty -- in the form of lions -- or are they cars? -- what the hell is going on?
How Could They Possibly Update it For Sophisticated Modern Audiences? I think in the post-Michael Bay Transformers era you're only option is to have a crossover where all the robots fight each other until Megan Fox's clothes fall off.
Name: M.A.S.K. (Mobile Armored Strike Kommand)
How it Was Pitched to Executives: G.I. Joe meets The Transformers and has sex with Silver Spoons.
The Plot -- In 30 Words or Less: Single dad Matt Trakker leads secret task force against the evil V.E.N.O.M., and -- because son Scott is constantly in harm's way -- probably the P.T.A. and C.P.S. as well.
How Could They Possibly Update it For Sophisticated Modern Audiences? Make it a sequel to that other Mask; in the final battle, Rocky Dennis could shock Miles Mayhem by revealing that his "mask" is actually his hideously deformed face.
Since becoming aware of this "Birther" nonsense, I've been mostly successful in avoiding the occasional spittle-flecked call to "show the birth certificate," or the claims that Obama was somehow spirited into this country by Muslim blockade runners as part of their master plan to get an Arabian Candidate-style sleeper agent into the White House. As a result, I wasn't really sure who Orly Taitz was until a few months ago.
Short answer: she's a dentist/lawyer (obtained her law degree from an online university, but still passed the California bar) who filed a lawsuit on behalf of one Major Stephen Cook, who claimed Obama was not born in the U.S. and is therefore ineligible to serve as Commander in Chief. Her public appearances have, to a one, been absolute trainwrecks, and her numerous lawsuits have gone nowhere. This is why the sanctions imposed on her today by Judge Clay Land of the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Georgia hardly come as a surprise:
U.S. District Judge Clay D. Land is not a happy man these days. Appointed to the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Georgia by then-President George W. Bush, Land generally has pretty important matters to consider. But lately, he's been forced to deal with Orly Taitz, the rather eccentric lawyer-slash-dentist who's become the de facto leader of the Birthers. And he wants that to stop.
To that end, on Tuesday morning Land issued a lengthy order addressing Taitz's conduct and imposing a $20,000 sanction on her as punishment for her having repeatedly filed frivolous actions and motions.
The order, which can be downloaded in PDF form here, clocks in at 43 pages and is brutal, to say the least. Land clearly anticipates an appeal, and wants to lay out his case for imposing as large a sanction as he did in order to make the facts plain and a decision easy for the appeals court. It seems, too, that he might have done this with further sanctions against Taitz in mind; he forwarded his ruling to the bar in California, where Taitz is licensed to practice.
Land repeatedly points out Taitz's bad faith and lack of legal basis for her actions. Then it gets good:
At one point, Land also slams Taitz for having compared herself to the late Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall, who successfully argued to end school segregation in the landmark Brown v. Board of Education case. Land writes:
Quite frankly, the Court is reluctant to even dignify this argument by responding to it, but it captures the essence of counsel's misunderstanding of the purpose of the courts and her misunderstanding of her own claims .... To suggest that an Army officer, who has received a medical education at the expense of the government and then seeks to avoid deployment based upon speculation that the President is not a natural born citizen, is equivalent to a young child, who is forced to attend an inferior segregated school based solely on the color of her skin, demonstrates an appalling lack of knowledge of the history of this Country and the importance of the civil rights movement. Counsel's attempt to align herself with Justice Marshall appears to be an act of desperation rather than one of admiration. For if counsel truly admired Justice Marshall's achievements, she would not seek to cheapen them with such inapt comparisons.
It's a good read, and not only for the repeated use of words like "frivolous," "arrogant," and "delusional." At the same time, I almost feel sorry for Taitz. I mean, when Ann Coulter calls you a crank, you've essentially become yet another example of the Dave Mustaine Paradox*, and that can't be fun.
*At what point does your loutish behavior cause your equally obnoxious bandmates to consider you a liability?
Proof positive that Halle Berry is a succubus who leeched away all of Adrien Brody's good sense with that kiss:
In a surprise development, Adrien Brody has been set by 20th Century Fox to play the heroic mercenary who battles alien hunters in "Predators," a reboot of the "Predator" franchise that is being creatively spearheaded by Robert Rodriguez.
Brody will star with Alice Braga, Danny Trejo, Walt Goggins, Oleg Taktarov, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, and Louiz Ozawa.
Nimrod Antal is directing a film that is about to get underway on location in Hawaii and at Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios in Austin, Texas.
Fox has set the film for release July 9, 2010.
Best known for his Oscar-winning turn in the Roman Polanski-directed "The Pianist," Brody has an opportunity to reinvent himself as a flat out action hero, playing a character close to the one that Arnold Schwarzenegger portrayed in the 1987 original.
Brody and his Paradigm reps lobbied hard for the role. Fox has high hopes to spring a new franchise, and Brody has signed options to return for future installments, sources said.
Predator is as close to 80s movie perfection as you can get. I have little faith in Rodriguez ever wrenching himself away from making Spy Kids and Sin City sequels long enough to do this, but if he does, I'm going to drive to Austin and bleed him, real quiet, and leave him there.
I mean, come on:
Brody, your Best Actor statuette is dwarfed by the titanic awesomeness of Blain. Fuck off back to Skull Island.