A Perfectly Cromulent Blog

Hell must be freezing over

Because I actually think Barry Bonds is right about something:

Barry Bonds said the man who bought his 756th home run ball and announced plans to let the public decide its fate is an "idiot."

Fashion designer Marc Ecko had the winning bid Saturday in the online auction for the ball that Bonds hit last month to break Hank Aaron's record of 755 home runs. The final selling price was $752,467, well above most predictions.

Ecko, 35, has set up a Web site that lets visitors vote on three options for the ball: give it to the National Baseball Hall of Fame, brand it with an asterisk before sending it to Cooperstown or blast it into space on a rocket ship.
[...]
"All of those options don't weigh anything," Bonds told the San Francisco Chronicle on Tuesday night in Phoenix. "In baseball, that number (756) stands."

Bonds said Ecko could have found a better way to spend three-quarters of a million dollars.

"He's stupid. He's an idiot," Bonds said. "He spent $750,000 on the ball and that's what he's doing with it? What he's doing is stupid."

Fine, it's Ecko's money, and he can do what he wants with it. The fact that he's a fashion designer means he's not really a productive member of society to begin with.

And he certainly isn't as big an idiot as this guy.

No hari kari for Barry

So Barry Bonds finally limped his way to the all-time home run record tonight.

I thought I'd care more about that fact before it became inevitable, but I really don't.* Like the guy or not, and - let's face it - hardly anybody does, but he's one of the greatest players of all time. My quibbles about him hitting #756 have more to do with the fact that Hank Aaron faced a truly difficult road on his quest for the record, while Bonds' difficulties have been almost entirely of his own making. That, and I was sick of ESPN breaking in on SportsCenter every night for the last month to show me his ABs.

Is the record "tainted?" Probably. But you might as well put an asterisk next to every record set from the '90s on, and that includes Ken Caminiti's MVP, Brady Anderson's 50 HR in 1996, and Mark McGwire's breaking of Roger Maris' HR mark.

Truth be told, I don't know that many people besides ESPN and Giants fans (hi Don!) really give that much of a shit anymore. If nothing else, we've already seen one pretty impressive record already this season.

[As a Cardinals fan, I've had more reason to loathe Tom Glavine than Bonds over the last 20 years, but 300 wins is something else. Even though it came with the hated Mets, I have to salute him.]

So give old Pumpkin Head his due. He's the all-time (American, non-Negro League) HR leader. At least until this guy takes a shot at it. Speaking of assholes...

Besides, there's another truly historic record lurking in the wings this season. And it's one I'll be following with a lot more (morbid) curiosity than the home run title.

* Believe it or not, I was actually writing another baseball related entry as SportsCenter cut in to show 756.

Dear Red Sox Nation

We've had our differences, what with you guys trouncing my beloved Cardinals in the 2004 World Series after our dramatic win in that year's NLCS filled us with deceitful false hope. In spite of my comments at the time, I have a healthy amount of respect for Boston's organization and consider that fair city almost as great a baseball town as St. Louis itself.

And you guys are sitting pretty right now. What I wouldn't give for the Cards to be 16-8. Oy.

Now that we've both got 21st century titles, and in the spirit of burying the hatchet, I offer this picture that was e-mailed to me this weekend. I won't name the sender, because I know some Yankee fans read this blog, but it's from Game 3 of the 1999 ALCS between the Sox and the Yankees, played in Fenway. It's the only game of the series Boston won (New York went on to sweep the Knaves), but it brought a smile to my face nonetheless:

That's Hall of Fame Boston catcher Carlton Fisk. The vistor's dugout is on his right, in case you were confused.

"This city is headed for a disaster of Biblical proportions."

"Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes...
The dead rising from the grave.
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria!"

Oh, and Pittsburgh and Cincinatti are leading the NL Central. At least the first week of the season ended on a high note:

Had it not been for the terrific pitching of Roy Oswalt on Saturday, the first week of the Astros' season would have been a disaster. As it stands, it was still pretty close.

Trying to build on their first win of the season following an 0-4 start, the Astros were humiliated by the defending World Series champion St. Louis Cardinals 10-1 on Sunday afternoon at Minute Maid Park.

The Astros finished the homestand with a 1-5 record -- matching their worst start since 1990 -- and enter a grueling stretch where they will play 14 of 16 games on the road beginning today at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

[...]

Cardinals starter Kip Wells, a product of Elkins High School and Baylor, held the Astros to one hit and struck out seven batters in seven innings, retiring the final 16 batters he faced.

The Cards' bats finally came alive a little. Pujols got his first HR, and Rolen got off the schnide a bit. They still look horrible, but so does Houston.

Both teams eked out wins tonight, however.

And then there's this guy:

Brad Lidge was tagged for five runs (two earned) in the ninth on a three-run double by Rolen and a two-run double by Molina.

"I didn't feel good about what I did out there," said Lidge, whose ERA ballooned to 16.20. "Obviously, when a team smells blood like that and you're making bad pitches, you're going to continue to go after them. I didn't want to walk guys. I was making bad pitches in the strike zone.

16.20? Enjoy middle relief. Or Round Rock.

"With these idiots we got..."

Even without much assistance from Pujols, the Cards found a way. 10 World Series titles...La Russa joins Sparky Anderson as the 2nd manager to win a title in both leagues...the Cards win it all at home, in spite of coming into the Series with the second worst record of any pennant winner in history...Eckstein is MVP. Goddamn, I wish I was up their with my uncles and cousins celebrating this:

Give it up for our pitchers, who nobody (including the author of this blog) thought could pull it together. Weaver, Carpenter, and Reyes had great starts, and maybe the loss of a 10 blown save closer doesn't hurt so much with the ascension of Adam Wainwright. Yadier Molina was also an unlikely powerhouse.

I already called my dad ("Raybob" to those of you who read my blog regularly), time to have a couple (more) drinks and get ready to order the 2006 Championship DVD. I'm sure many of you thought St. Louis was unworthy of representing the National League, and maybe if your team (*cough* Astros *cough*) had played better your opinion would count for something.

And now that it's over...fuck you Kenny Rogers, you cheating sonofabitch.

Go Cards!

I love you, David Eckstein

I'm not saying anything beyond that. For the record, and because it appears to be working, I still maintain the Tigers are going to win in 5.

Shut up.

Is it over?

I may have mentioned it here before, but I'm deeply superstitious when it comes to baseball. Watching it, that is. So convinced am I of my curse factor when it comes to seeing the Cards on TV, I have to tape the game and watch it later, not allowing myself to see or listen to anything about the outcome beforehand.

Think I'm lying? I watched the first inning of Game 6, and I think we know what happened in Jose Reyes' first AB. Turned the game off after that, but it was already too late.

Tonight, I got home from a screening of Marie Antoinette (ugh), clicked the TV on, and discovered to my horror that it was the bottom of the 9th, Cards up 3-1 but the Mets had two men on and no outs. I quickly hit the pause button, but was it too late? I couldn't risk hitting play until I was sure the last out had been recorded. 30 minutes later, I find out St. Louis hung on to win. Suck it, New Yorks sports media, it's a flyover World Series. Again.

Do they belong there? Hell yes, they do. Even with no closer and a dinged up middle of the lineup, they overcame two arguably better teams to make it to the final round. Spare me the bitching about El Duque and Martinez, the Mets didn't hit when it counted, end of story (and way to look that ball in, Beltran). Will they beat the Tigers? Well, superstition (again) demands that I stand by my earlier pessimism and say no. Obviously, I hope I'm wrong, and with Suppan and Weaver stepping up like they have, who knows?

But if you're the betting type, Tigers in 5.

UPDATE: I'm just enjoying rewinding this and watching the Mets fans crying in the stands. Enjoy crying on the subway home, pond scum.

Cards vs. Scum - redux

Game 5 of the NLCS was rained out tonight, meaning they play it tomorrow (if possible), then move immediately to Games 6 and 7 (if necessary) in New York. The World Series is set to start on Saturday, and even if things end on schedule, Detroit will still be coming off six days rest. Good luck, Senior League.

I stand by my earlier sentiment. The Cards have, in the past two seasons, served as the welcome mat for one team to win their first Series in eight zillion years, and another who'd never made it at all. I'd just as soon not see Pujols et. al. moping in the background when the Tigers win their first title in 22 years.

But maybe I'm being pessismistic. Maybe Weaver and Suppan can continue pitching above their heads, maybe Molina and Speizio can keep delivering clutch hits, and maybe Pujols will finally get his World Series MVP trophy. I'd certainly welcome that, but I'm not getting my hopes up.

Yet. Check back here after Game 6.

This entry was prompted by repeated searches for my "the Mets are pond scum" entry.

Prolonging the agony

Yes, I realize the Astros are now a mere 1/2 game behind the struggling St. Louis Cardinals, having won...what, 9 of their last 10? While the Cards have gone 2 and 8 (or something, I'm not bothering to look it up) over the same period, allowing Houston to overcome a seemingly insurmountable 7.5 deficit in the NL Central with 12 games remaining. Now, going into the last weekend of the season, Houston has a very real chance to take the division outright and make the playoffs.

I'm not here to stand up for the woebegone Cards, or to say the Astros are still going to choke, or even to offer myself up to your Muntzian chortles (though I realize that's a possible repercussion). No, I'm here to tell you I don't care.

The Cardinals, in case you missed the bulletin, stink. They've lost their closer, Jason Isringhausen (who, with 10 blown saves on the season, wasn't great shakes to begin with), for the season, the only pitcher worth a damn in their starting rotation is Chris Carpenter, and he's lost his last two starts, and even with the return of Jim "Sun-In" Edmonds, the only player who strikes any terror in opposing teams is Albert Pujols, and he's easy enough to pitch around.

In short, I hope St. Louis doesn't make the playoffs. Even if they limp their way into the post-season, they have no chance winning the NLDS, much less the pennant, at their current strength. I would rather, quite frankly, watch some other team get their ass handed to them by the Tigers or the Twins in the World Series than see the Cardinals get mangled any further.

No offense to Styx, but just let it end already.

You guys getting tired of this yet?

Because I'm not:

Two outs, two strikes, bases empty, Cardinals trailing the Astros in the ninth, bottom of the order at the plate ... and still the crowd at Minute Maid Park was tense. They'd had their hearts broken by Albert Pujols before. On Saturday afternoon, the MVP did it again.

But first his supporting cast had to give him the chance.

The Cards scratched out a remarkable two-out rally against Brad Lidge in the ninth to force extra innings, and Pujols capped the comeback with a solo homer off Houston ace Roy Oswalt in the 10th. St. Louis beat the Astros, 7-6, in a game fully worthy of the superb playoff series the same two clubs played the past two years.

I don't know how remarkable it is to get runs on Lidge anymore. His slider is still effective, but it's the only pitch he has outside of a hanging fastball, which he has to throw eventually. Wiser baseball pundits than myself continue to stroke the guy's ego, and he does have 21 saves on the season, but last night's blown save gives him four for the year, the same as he's had for each of the last two seasons total. He still gets the strikeouts, but his ERA is over twice what it was for 2005.

Gloating aside, the NL Central is a dismal division right now. Last night's win was just the Cards' 5th in their last 18 games. The only teams out of the hunt are the Cubs (snicker) and the Pirates. Well, and the Reds, who we all know are going to crap out by the end of the season. The Astros are only 5 games back, and St. Louis seems unable to put any distance between themselves and the rest of the pack.

Last night was sweet to watch, though. Especially, after seeing C. Ronaldo and his fellow flopping pretty boys get their asses handed to them by Germany.

UPDATE: No really, nothing wrong with Lidge.

2006's obligatory early season baseball post

Richard Justice is a funny, funny man:

Lidge has been a star and will again be a star. Burke is going to be a solid contributor on a good team. Hirsh may be a star.

Wait, you don't think Lidge is finished? I keep reading that Lidge is toast. Why are you in tank for the guy?

Because I've been around the block a time or two. I can now identify (most of the time) the guys you'll make it and the ones who won't. Lidge will make it.

Yeah, your baseball expertise and a dime will buy a cup of joe.

Go ahead and trade him, but don't come crying to me when he ends up atop the all-time saves leaderboard.

I'm sorry, that sound you heard was me spewing beer all over my monitor, then gut laughing until I hemorrhaged, then spewing blood all over the same monitor.

Brad Lidge is going to someday become the all-time saves leader? The same guy who, already in 2006, has one less blown save than he did in each of the two previous years and has a total of 84 saves in 4 years of work, is going to eclipse Lee Smith's mark of 478 total saves? Wow. That's good stuff.

The bottom line with Lidge is that he throws 97 mph and has a great slider. Whatever is wrong with him eventually will get fixed, either here or elsewhere.

As a Cardinals fan, I have just two words for Richard Justice: Rick Ankiel. But for some reason, I don't think those are the two words that haunt Brad Lidge in his dreams. Those words are: Albert Pujols.

True, the Astros went on to win the NLCS on their way to the World Series, but that towering beast of a HR in Game 4 has dogged Lidge ever since. Hell, I live in Houston, and there are plenty of 'stros fans who agree with me.

But apparently having a closer with a 6.53 ERA doesn't bother Justice. I'll bet it bothers a few of the Houston faithful, however.

Dammit, Jim...

I know some baseball teams platoon certain positions on a regular basis (Cleveland using Eduardo Perez and Ben Broussard at 1st base, for example), but is it possible to split fielding and hitting duties for the same position?

Today against the Reds, Cardinals CF Jim Edmonds came up to bat in the top of the 7th and - in keeping with his pattern this season - did his Mendoza average proud and struck out with the bases loaded. Cincy went on to win 3-2.

Edmonds is still a walking highlight reel in the field, but maybe we could find someone to bat for him whenever he comes up in the order. This someone wouldn't have to take the field, just step in the box and bat.

Any chance of getting Tony Gwynn out of retirement? We can even get a pinch runner to spare him the ignominy of waddling around the bases.

Play ball

I'd just like to point out that if Cardinals 1B Albert Pujols keeps this up, he's on pace to hit 324 home runs this season.

Give up one walk-off home run in the playoffs, shame on you...

Though Podsednik's was decidedly more significant that Pujols', as it gives the Chisox a 2-0 lead coming back to Houston, and dealt yet another blow to Launching Pad Lidge's already shaky confidence.

The Astros haven't been playing bad ball, but the pitching's not there, and Chicago is just getting it done.

Fine, I'll say it

Congratulation to the Houston Astros, who are on their way to their first World Series. I'm not happy it came at the expense of the Cardinals, but what can you say? In the end, Houston's pitching (well, except Lidge) was just too much. The off-season should see some hard questions in St. Louis about why Edmonds and Walker disappear during the playoffs, and why nobody besides Carpenter could string together a decent game.

Walker I sort of understand, he played in Colorado for so long he was unfamiliar with the playoffs.

Good luck with the White Sox...you're going to need it.

Albert the Great

"Anything that travels that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it."

Unable to take it anymore at 10:30, I turned the game on, just in time to see Pujols tee off on Lidge. Holy crap, that thing would've cleared the Monster, not that we should probably remind him of that after last year.

Predictably, Dad calls after Taguchi records the last out, he asked how deafening the silence was here in Houston. I had to stick my head out the front door and yell, "Go Cards!" to get a proper gauge on the situation.

I'm sure my daughter will forgive me for waking her.

So the series goes back to St. Louis. The Cards still face an uphill battle against Oswalt and Clemens (can Carpenter pitch on one day's rest?), but allow me this one game. And allow me to appropriate (and paraphrase) some mojo from Mudge and Tim from last year's ALCS - "hte Cards will win this series."

Go Cards!

Baseblargh

The only consolation, if any, for Cardinals fans to wring from this truly depressing NLCS has been that at least this time we won't have to wait until the World Series to watch our team distintegrate. Now I can join everyone else in the country (who doesn't live on Chicago's South Side or Houston) in impatiently waiting for The Simpsons and House to come back on.

Premature, you say? Perhaps. There's always the possibility of another Red Sox style comeback, provided Pettite takes another line drive to the knee, and Oswalt comes down with bird flu, and Chris Burke is snatched from the playing field by Martians.

And the ghost of Rogers Hornsby comes and imbues the impotent bats of Jim Edmonds and Larry Walker with mystical energy.

The call against Edmonds last night was bullshit, and could have made a difference had Pujols come up right after, but it only underscores the fact that the Astros have just outplayed and out-lucked the Cards this series. If the St. Louis players were hitting like they have been all year, one bad call wouldn't make a difference. Carpenter might be able to snag one at Minute Maid tonight, but I'm not too hopeful about winning three straight.

In the meantime, I won't be watching Game 5. I'm sure I can put the three hours to more productive use than incubating my ulcer.

Astros suck

HWRNMNBSOL gets things started down below:

Okay, Cardinals fan, it's officially on. The Astros will once again meet the Cardinals to determine who will represent for the NL. I can think of no place better than your blog to lay the smack forth.

All season I've been hearing nothing but talk about how the Cardinals are going to repeat. Best ERA in baseball this. Best offense that. Blah blah blah.

Fuck that noise. The Astros have something the Cardinals don't have, and that's the ability to cheat death. Whether it's making the playoffs on the last regular season game, or defeating the Braves in a history-shattering 18 innings of play[1], the Astros have shown that they have what it takes to go to the wire and come back victorious.

To the Cardinals, I say: tee it up, chump-ass bitches. This is the year that the Astros go to the World Series and show St. Louis how it's done.

[1] which, if you think about it, was like playing a regular game and then a whole additional game of no-hitter baseball.

Yes indeed, the Astros were mighty impressive in limping off the field yesterday after finally putting the TV-watching audience out of their misery. Of course, lets not forget that Only In Enron Minute Maid home run (this one courtesy if Berkman) that gave you the chance. To paraphrase Tommy Lee Jones in Cobb, "My grandmother could hit a baseball 335 feet." The bad news for you is, you only get three games there.

What you call the "ability to cheat death" I call a rapidly draining reservoir of luck. Kudos on barely hanging on to win the wild card spot (while the Cards won the division by a comfortable 11 games) and outlasting the Braves (who are officially the Buffalo Bills of MLB), but do you really want to rely on intangibles against Pujols, Edmonds, and a reinvigorated Sanders and Walker? If that's your big strategy, Garner's in more trouble than I thought.

One of the hopeful side effects of all these 11th hour comebacks is the possibility that some Astros fans will succumb to heart attacks, giving me a little more elbow room at my local sports bar.

It all hits the fan Wednesday. Until then, bring it.

"The hunt...is on."

MLB playoffs start tomorrow. The AL matchups are:

Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox - AKA The War of the Hoses

New York Yankees vs. the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - AKA the Most Hated Team in Sports vs. the Team With The Most Awkward Name Since the Stanford Cardinal

The NL comes down to:

St. Louis vs. San Diego - AKA Please Don't Let the Redbirds Look Past This to the NLCS

Atlanta vs. Houston - AKA Even Braves Fans Are Sick of Atlanta in the Playoffs

Astros fans are a hardy bunch, considering this is the second straight year in which Houston clinched the Wild Card on the last day of the season. Congrats to them, but if I may, I have to take issue with one aspect of yesterday's celebration:

A tarp? I realize these things are hardly spontaneous, and that playoff hats and shirts have been waiting in boxes since the end of last month, if not longer, but is splashing a little bubbly on Bagwell's Ben-Gay or Clemens' Mike Piazza voodoo doll really all that bad? It looks like you're partying in Roger Murtaugh's unfinished hobby room, fer chrissakes.

And I see Craig Biggio has signed a one-year estension to play for the 2006 season. This means we get another season of Plunk Biggio, which is a good thing.

Play ball.

Go Astros...no, wait

With St. Louis enjoying a 17.5-game lead on the Cubs and up by 11 games over the Astros, I'm having a dickens of a time deciding who to root for in the Chicago-Houston series currently taking place (it's tied 1-1). So far, it's just been enjoyable watching them beat up on each other while the Cards let everybody get healed up for the playoffs.

And it's never too early to speculate on playoff matchups. If the Astros hold on to their slim wild card lead in the NL (and that's far from a guarantee), it looks like they'll end up against the Braves or the Nationals. The Cards should have an easier time of it against a barely .500 San Diego or Arizona squad.

Still, there's a lot of season left. Go Cards.

And go...Cubs, tonight, I guess. Let's make this interesting.

I can't believe I just rooted for the Cubs.

Plunk yeah

If you've been keeping up with Plunk Biggio, and I know you have, then you're aware that Astros 2B Craig Biggio broke the modern record for HBP today. He was plunked, for the 268th time in his career, by Colorado Rockies pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim in the 4th.

Congratulations, I guess, to Craig Biggio. At least now the Astros have something to remember this season by.

At least we weren't playing Cal-State Fullerton again

I was a little surprised at Texas' relative ease in winning the College World Series this weekend (their 6th national title), especially after improbably beating Baylor when the Bears had owned the Horns in the regular season.

As is the case with any key sports victory in our household, She Who Shall Not Be Named gets outfitted in the winning team's colors the following day. After dressing my daughter in burnt orange t-shirt and socks, The Wife was rather vocal in her disapproval. My resonse, "Hey, we can dress her in Texas A&M's colors as soon as they win a national championship in something."

Do they make maroon and white Depends?

Now we know why Roger Clemens agreed to stay in Houston

The Astros drafted his son:

Later today, Houston picked ace Astros pitcher Roger Clemens' oldest son, Koby, with the 254th pick overall. The younger Clemens is a third baseman at Memorial High School.

I doubt Morgan Ensberg is sweating too much.

Chad Qualls, on the other hand:

The Astros picked left-handed pitcher Brian Bogusevic (Tulane) at the no. 24 spot, Houston's top choice in today's MLB Draft.

Taking 259 for the team

I probably wouldn't have thought to go looking for this on my own, but it's a great idea. The fact that the proprietor commented here only cements my faith in the enterprise, and so I heareby proclaim Plunk Biggio - dedicated to Craig Biggio's unintentional quest to set the record in HBP - a worthy effort.

As if that mattered.

"Know what time it is?"
"Uh, two o'clock?"
"Time to pay the fiddler."

Though I may still be smarting from Boston's drubbing of the Cardinals in the World Series, this clip from Comedy Central about the price being paid by Red Sox fans cracked me up (courtesy of Len at the newly christened Dark Bilious Vapors).

Master Card, proud new owner of 90% of New England.
And 50% of Denis Leary's nuts.

Surprise, surprise, surprise

Turns out Jason Giambi's MVP season was, well, just as suspicious as most of us thought in the first place:

Giambi said he injected himself with human growth hormone in 2003 and used steroids for at least three seasons, according to a grand jury transcript reviewed by the San Francisco Chronicle.

His testimony last December, before a federal grand jury investigating illegal steroid distribution, contradicts his public proclamations that he never used performance-enhancing drugs.

Think this hurts Giambi's Hall of Fame chances? And how fast do you think he released the legal hounds to find out who leaked sealed grand jury testimony to the Chronicle?

I like how the Houston Chronicle put it:

Four men, including Barry Bonds' personal trainer, have been indicted in the investigation into the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative. The case has cast a cloud of suspicion over home run records set by Bonds and other athletes in recent years.

Yeah, to add to that other cloud of suspicion that formed after a 36 year-old Bonds showed up for spring training looking like Triple H.

But never fear, Commissioner Bud Selig is on the case:

"I've been saying for many months: I instituted a very, very tough program in the minor leagues on steroids in 2001. We need to have that program at the major league level," Selig said Thursday. "We're going to leave no stone unturned until we have that policy in place by spring training 2005."

Good luck getting Donald Fehr to sign on to that, Bud. Expect this to be a big sticking point when the new agreement starts getting hashed out after 2006. Until then, Bonds still has a couple years to catch Ruth and Aaron.

This might be my favorite line, however (from Sports Illustrated):

Giambi reportedly testified that one of the drugs he thought he used was Clomid, a female fertility drug that some medical experts say can exacerbate a pituitary tumor.

Uh, what? I guess I haven't been following the story all that closely, but can someone explain to me what benefit a guy can get from using Clomid? Was it a gag by his trainers to see if they could get him to take anything?

Trainer 1: "Hey Jason, try this one."
Giambi: "Will it help my OPS?"
Trainer 2: "No, but it might help your OVA." *snicker*

BALCO chief Victor Conte was on 20/20 tonight and apparently spilled the beans about everyone from Bill Romanowski (*gasp*) to Marion Jones. He also talked about giving "The Clear," and undetectable steroid, to Barry Bonds' trainer.

I listened to the NPR story about Giambi this afternoon, and I wish I could remember the reporter's comments verbatim, but paraphrased, they went something like, "Comparing the BALCO case to a circus is doing a disservice to circuses. A circus is a well-choreographed event with several ringleaders in control. This is just mayhem."

Sounds about right.

A final thought

This'll be my (thankfully) last entry about baseball for a while. I suppose I should be happy the Series only went 4 games, thereby sparing me the incipient cardiac arrest brought on by having to sit through a 4-game St. Louis comeback.

Yeah, I don't buy it either. Sounded good at the time, though.

Now that Boston has finally "reversed the Curse" or whatever other cutesy expression Globe columnists will be using until spring training begins, you Sox fans should probably take a minute to realize something else that's changed with your victory (and with apologies to Bill Hicks):

You're no longer special.

The last 86 years have been great for you, in a way, because you could always count on support from those vast legions of baseball fans who might have been indifferent to Boston, but absolutely hated the effing Yankees. Every year, as fall rolled around and the playoffs loomed, talk inevitably turned to the Sox and how they'd screw the pooch this time. Boston's spirit was admired, like your dumbass kid brother who keeps getting up no matter how many times you pound him, even if their play on the field didn't hold up. Anyone who'd ever struggled against seemingly insurmountable odds and gotten slapped down for it could sympathize.

No longer.

You guys are just another AL team that hides behaind the designated hitter to us now. Your sportswriters will have to come up with some other reason to explain away future chokes and heartbreaking losses, but nobody else will care. Your World Series clock is reset to 0, leaving you ahead of everyone else in the majors (including - horrors - New York). Worse, attention now swings wholly over to the Cubs (though, inexplicably, not the other Chicago team), who can enjoy the attentions of part-time fans who need another loveable loser to root for. And they've got a lot to choose from: Cubs (1907), White Sox (1917), Indians (1948), Astros (n/a), or Padres (n/a). And what about San Francisco?

Some may call it sour grapes. That after watching one of the great post-season collapses in history by St. Louis, I'm being somewhat petty. Not at all. I'm not happy with the way the Cards played, that's no secret, but I'm not trying to take away from Boston's well-earned victory. I'm just trying to prepare my BoSox brethren for the letdown. It won't come tomorrow, or next week, or probably not even until next season, but it's out there. Like a pissed-off Ray Bourque with a hangover and a Sher-Wood 7030, it'll be along to reintroduce y'all to reality.

And hey, it's been 22 years since the Cards won it all. Maybe we should be considered hard luck now, too.

The better team won

Congrats to Manny, Papi, Jesus, and all the others.

Good luck keeping Martinez and Lowe for next season.

Screw Cabrera and Schilling...I never liked them anyway.

Cards...get some starting pitching. And figure out what the hell happened to your goddamned bats in the Series.

P.S. The Sox logo only stays up for a day.

Game 3

I knew, when I heard for the 4th time today that Pedro Martinez wasn' the "old" Pedro, that we might be in trouble. It's the "He hasn't missed a field goal all season" thing.

Boston wants this more. Can't say that I blame them, although - should St. Louis not repeat Boston's coming back from 0-3 to win it all and wouldn't that be awesome but I'm not holding my breath - now I too will have a reason to hate Bill Buckner. I mean, why couldn't he have given them the win in '86 and gotten it out of their system?

The Red Sox are just playing better. No excuses. The Cards' bats have gone ice cold in the Series, and their fielding and baserunning - especially tonight - are way below par. Combine that with Boston's pitching so far, and this stands an excellent chance of not even going back to Boston.

Maybe Ozzie can come out of retirement.

Arf.

We feel your pain, Genius...

That starting pitching will come back and bite you on the ass every time.

Of the two losses to the Red Sox this weekend, I think Saturday's was worse. Coming back from being down 7-2 and tieing the game back up was great, but only made the eventual fade at the end that much more disappointing.

I don't buy "The Curse" that much, but damned if the BoSox weren't doing their best to Buckner their way out of a W last night. To bad the Cards lost, because I can only imagine the self-flagellation that'd be going on in Beantown right now had those errors cost them the game. It'd be pretty funny, actually.

Not much laughing going on in St. Louis now, unfortunately.

Oh, and is anyone else sick of the goddamned celebrity watch at Fenway? We all know Stephen King is a Red Sox fan, as he's been bitching about them for decades. And I had to sit through Ben Affleck's godawful Christmas movie last week, I don't need him sliming up my TV as well.

And Tom Hanks can bite me as well.

WOO HOO!!!!

Cardinals, baby! I muttered to myself that Clemens was done in the 5th, and Pujols and Rolen did not disappoint.

Kudos to the Astros. They played a hell of a series and had a hell of a season. Y'all threw your best at us tonight, and - like the songs says - I guess your best wasn't good enough.

I watched the game at my local sports/drinking establishment, surrounded by roughly 200 Astros fans. I left the colors at home, though I suspect my fist pumping after Rolen's HR betrayed my true feelings. Doesn't matter, as we now have to face the BoSox, to whom I give the edge in starting pitching. 'mudge is right about one thing: it's on.

I don't even want to go into the arcane and obnoxious rituals I went through every time an Astro came up to bat after the 6th inning. Suffice to say, it worked (in my mind).

Whoof. Hell of a series. I, too, know the sting of acid reflux.

The Genius, redux

Dear Tony LaRussa,

STOP PITCHING TO BELTRAN!

Thank you,

Pete

P.S. Especially with 2 outs and nobody on.

UPDATE: Whew. That's better.

About time, Jimmy. Houston's bullpen really sacked up tonight, but I can imagine the sports talk shows tomorrow verbally burning Garner in effigy for bringing Miceli in when Oswalt was available. Morris wasn't awful, but Munro was, and that helped.

So...Game 7 tomorrow. Can't say I like our chances against Clemens, but after watching Boston win tonight (I got your daddy right here), anything's possible.

What did the five fingers say to the baseball?

Slap!

That's playing like a $25 million a year guy. My favorite is this comment:

"I was kind of perplexed by it," Rodriguez said. "I don't know what I was trying to do. I know he was coming and I know that the line is mine. They said I could've run him over, but I went out of my way. Looking back at it, I probably should've just run him over."

If he charges like he swats, I don't think Arroyo - or anyone weighing more than 110 lbs - had anything to worry about.

"It was a big momentum changer," Rodriguez said. "I don't want those umpires to meet anymore because every time they meet, it goes against the Yankees."

Then quit screwing up. A-Hole is referring to the fact that the umpires had to convene to reverse the initial call ruling Rodriguez safe. Something that would've been unnecessary had he not tried to cheat. Seems pretty simple.

I don't know how you East Coasters do it, staying up until 4 AM (or however late Monday's game went) or so to watch this series. In any event, there's been some great baseball played these last few days in both series.

NLCS Game 3 pics

As promised, I've uploaded some pictures I took with my pathetic 3.2 megapixel digital camera at Minute Maid Park for Game 3 of the NLCS between the Astros and the Cardinals. Click a thumbnail for a larger image.

First, the cautious approach to stately Minute Maid Park:

Click the link below for the rest:

Entering enemy territory:

The unbridled frenzy of activity that is batting practice:

Didn't waste any time getting that banner up there, did they? And what the hell is a "wild card champion?"

How could they let us see the Big Board?

One of the strangest geological anomalies in all of baseball...Tal's Hill in center field:

The Rocket warms up, may he rot in hell:

Keeping a careful eye out for William Ligue and son:

Eternal pixie Mary Lou Retton was one of the first pitch throwers (along with that Jeremy Wariner goofball from Baylor):

A sellout crowd laments the fact they didn't buy tickets for Game 4, when Robert Earl Keen was singing the national anthem and not Andy Pettite's wife:

"Please don't put me in...please don't put me in..."

A fellow interloper:

Javier Bracamonte selfishly keeps Edmonds' home run ball for himself:

This too shall pass:

The Genius

Jesus. He walked Berkman. Two strikes, and LaRussa had Isringhausen walk him. Maybe it wouldn't have made any difference. Maybe if Kline was healthy the Cards could've taken him down and brought Izzy in fresh to face Kent. Who knows?

Gotta give it up for the Astros. They've had an amazing run these last couple months and are now poised to make their first trip to the Series. That road goes through St. Louis, of course, but the Birds' bats haven't shown me anything these last three games. Without them, the weakness of the Cards' starting pitching is that much more apparent (Williams' one-hitter tonight aside).

Looking back on it, I have to blame The Wife. I didn't want to watch the game, seeing as how I've been bad luck to my team in both games I've attended and these last two I've watched on TV. But nooooo, she wanted to see it. Thanks, honey. Your punishment is living with my bitching for the next six months if St. Louis doesn't make it.

Oh, and fuck you, Fox. Those of us with satellite dishes in Houston weren't allowed to watch the last six innings of Boston's amazing win over New York to force Game 6. The scroll said we could switch to FX, but it seems Houston and St. Louis satellite subscribers were given the NLCS game on both stations. All they could tell me at KRIV (the Houston affiliate) was that there was "something between the network and the satellite providers," though Time Warner cable subscribers got to see both games.

Bleah.

For those who've asked: yes, I will root for Houston if they make the World Series. I'm a National League boy, and will be only too happy to cheer against the Yankees, should they end up representing the AL. Nothing against Boston, except we got thrown out of the Black Rose pub on our honeymoon, and I didn't think it was possible to get tossed from a bar in Beantown.

Enjoy Beltran while you've got him

I can’t say the outcome of yesterday’s Cards-Astros game surprised me. Clemens was more or less nails, even after giving up early HRs to Walker and Edmonds (more on that later), but especially after Sanders apparently pissed him off and Rolen got mouthy on second. For the record, I don’t think Clemens threw at Sanders. My sight line was pretty much behind Clemens to the left batter’s box, and the pitch didn’t go anywhere near Sanders.

Suppan settled down a little after Houston's 3-run first, but our bats never really woke up. I still don't know why anyone gives Carlos Beltran anything he can come close to hitting, but with every home run (seven in the post-season so far) my confidence grows that he won't be in an Astros uni next year.

And hopefully not in a Cubs uniform either. In fact, get that bastard out of the NL Central altogether.

Our seats were pretty great, considering: first row, second deck, right over the Astros bullpen in right center. This led to a humorous series of exchanges with Javier Bracamonte, one of Houston’s bullpen catcher. Edmonds’ homer in the 1st landed in the bullpen (dropping a good fifteen feet in front of me, meaning I didn’t have a shot, even were I inclined to risk severe head and neck trauma by leaning over the ridiculously low railing to try for it). Bracamonte scooped it up and, over the course of the next five innings, ignored my repeated pleas for him to throw it to me. Among the approaches I tried:

“Don’t give it to some kid, they’re too young to use eBay.”
“Edmonds wants me to have it.”
“Dude, my wife is really pissed about the money I dropped on these tickets. Give me something to take back to her.”
“I’ll put in a good word with Garner about getting you a starting spot.”
“You’re ten times the catcher Ausmus is.”

I even offered him $20, but he ended up giving it to some elderly black veteran in the section below us. That’s affirmative action for you.

The crowd was pretty nice to the Cardinals fans (all seven of us in section 255). There were the occasional cries of “Cardinals suck!” and the expected critiques of Ray King’s weight, but the only ugly incident was before the game, when some jagoff in a passing car made a comment equating Cardinals fans to homosexuals. I rubbed my nipples and gave him the finger, further demonstrating the high level to which intellectual discourse has risen in America.

I took a number of pictures, which I’ll post later (can’t find my data cable just now). I’ll be watching the game on TV with everyone else today, hoping we can do a better job against Oswalt. Or at least chase him before the 8th.

Please stop doing that

I can't take this late inning crap. Sure, the Cards won 6-4 and are now up 2 games to none over the Astros in the NLCS, but watching the game for me was what I imagine some people go through with horror movies.

I should confess something: I'm a baseball coward. In a dicey situation, say...Jeff Bagwell coming to bat in the top of the 6th with the bases loaded...the pitch will be thrown, and I'll close my eyes. The existence of the digital video recorder has only served to further enable my neurosis. During the season, I'll record games and watch them later, fast forwarding between pitches and through commercials, effectively editing a 3-hour game down to slightly more than an hour. Modern technology's a wonderful thing. Tonight, however, I found myself fast-forwarding through entire batters (as with the aforementioned 6th inning situation). I can put the FF on x4 speed and still see when something happens - then I'll stop - but the endless process of sitting through every glove and helmet adjustment between pitches was threatening to give me a heart attack, and so I succumbed to the DVR's siren call.

Worse, in the top of the 9th, with Beltran on base and Kent coming to bat, I paused the game and went to unload the dishwasher, knowing that, for better or worse, it'd be over when I finished. Either the Cards would hang on, or Kent and/or Ensberg would add some more runs, possibly tieing the game up.

As luck would have it, the Birds hung on to win. Astros manager Phil Garner made some more inexplicable moves, like pulling Munro and then taking out Wheeler in the 8th to put Gunga Dan Miceli in. Man did I perk up when he got out there. For opposing batters, seeing Miceli on the mound these days has to be like being the first Viking to enter a defenseless coastal hamlet. He's going to lay that fat breaking ball over the plate for them to pillage until he's inevitably yanked. Albert the Great was ready for it, and what a time for Rolen to finally come alive.

Back to Houston now. Garner better not pull Clemens early like he did against the Braves, 'cause both he and Oswalt are going to have to last until the 7th (at least) if they don't want the Cards to feast on their bullpen again.

And if you see a guy in a St. Louis t-shirt sitting in the first row, second deck, above right field Saturday, buy him a beer. Or, at least, don't dump yours on him.

Debate, shmebate

Cards win 10-7, but the Astros prove they have plenty of firepower. It came down to middle relief for Houston, as I (and everyone else) figured it would. If they can't get 7 or 8 decent innings out of their starters, they're going to continue to give up 6-run innings.

It was closer than I liked, especially at the end, when Lamb went yard and Biggo got the double. And for the love of Stan Musial, it's pronounced "Bi-jee-o," not "Bee-jee-o," guys. I keep waiting for someone to say Albert "Poo-joles."

Tomorrow sees the untested (in the playoffs, anyway) Pete Munro against the shaky Matt Morris. I predict another high scorer, and more shots of drunken St. Louis girls dancing in the stands, which is the sort of high quality sports journalism I expect in my baseball coverage.

Game 3 will be a good one: Clemens vs. Walker/Pujols/Rolen/Edmonds. I've got my tickets, baby.

And all it cost was my firstborn. Oh well, there'll be other kids, right honey?

Astros vs. Cardinals

So Houston finally wins an NLDS and will travel to St. Louis Wednesday to face the Cards for the pennant. Bummer.

Don't get me wrong. I'm happy Houston finally won a postseason series. Another loss and I'm afraid Biggio and Bagwell might've committed joint hara-kiri (even if both have played quite well thus far). I just liked St. Louis' chances against Atlanta's weak pitching and anemic offense. The 'stros likely won't be able to use Clemens or Oswalt until Game 3, which is something, and their middle relief is - to put it politely - craptastic. They're peaking at the right time, however. The Cards' starting pitching has been solid, but has the benefit of hiding behind a modern day Murderer's Row. I'd still take Clemens and Oswalt over Marquis and Carpenter, or Morris and Williams, any day.

Either way, it should be a hell of a series. I'm going to futilely scrounge for a playoff ticket now. Congrats, Astros.

Pete's Tips for Travelers #1

If you ever have occasion to travel to New York in October, I highly recommend it. The weather is great, the fall foliage is just starting to turn, and I can't think of anyplace else where you can still spot the elusive Members Only jacket in significant numbers.

Some of you may find yourself attending a family gathering of some sort, perhaps a wedding. And having spend the better part of the afternoon/evening at said ceremony and the reception, you may find yourself inquiring among the locals at a bar about the outcome of the day's earlier baseball games. The correct response to their bellowed chorus of "Yankees!" (or, more correctly, "Yan-KEES!") is not, "Fuck the Yankees, what about the Astros game?"

Trust me on this.

Disastros no longer?

Went to the Cardinals-Astros game tonight (Houston won 2-1). From the perspective of a Cards fan, it was disappointing watching our crushers get handled by the likes of Brandon Backe. But then, we threw Haren out there and he held Houston to two runs, and I'm reasonably sure he won't be making too many appearances in the playoffs.

Oh please oh please.

Nice vision, by the way, Mr. Home Plate Cyclops, who called Reggie Sanders out at home on a throw from Beltran. I knew something was up when they didn't replay the play on the Jumbotron, but any suspicion that I was merely being a St. Louis homer went out the window on the drive home when I listened to the postgame radio guy state that catcher Brad Ausmus "clearly missed" the tag. Not much you can do about it, but maybe they were making up for that weird first inning call when Ausmus was trying to throw Pujols out at first and ended up hitting Edmonds' bat and sending the ball into the stands. Pujols went to 3rd, and I thought I was going to get severely beaten, even though I didn't know exactly what was going on at the time.

People can talk about the Cards laying down now that they have the division sewn up, but LaRussa trotted out a gimpy Rolen (until the 6th), Pujols, Edmonds, and Walker (whose HR off the New York Mercantile Exchange sign in left field was a beautiful thing), and used Mabry and Womack as well. The conspiracy theory that St. Louis is letting the Astros catch the Cubs (who lost to Cincinatti) is stupid since I can't imagine anyone looking forward to facing Clemens and Oswalt in the post-season.

But enough about the game, what about the Minute Maid Park experience?

There was a decent sized crowd, and most stayed until the end, which is a rarity for Houston baseball fans. There were still those clueless boobs who kept trying to start a wave during the Astros at-bat in the 6th (I'm sure Jeff Kent was thrilled), and - while it's hardly exclusive to Minute Maid - those goddamed inflatable whacking sticks are going to drive me to commit an aggravated felony one of these days. Why not just give the whole stadium air horns and cowbells and be done with it?

I thoroughly enjoyed meeting the guy who brought his son down from St. Louis just for this game and had seats next to mine. Seems they're on a father-son mission to visit every ballpark, which is cool no matter how you slice it, or whichever team you root for. They were pretty impressed with the stadium, even if most parks comapre favorably to Busch Stadium, and the boy seemed to have a little trouble handling his burrito.

There were actually a decent number of Cardinals fans in my particular area (section 132 - left field). And all of them apparently live within five miles of my grandparents.

The roof was open the whole game, and it was a fine evening, loss or no. There were only a few jackass fans, some of whom started the chant, "Cardinals Suck" as that scrub Reyes loaded the bases in the 8th (Ray King came on and put and end to that). The only tense moment was when I turned around to ask them who won the NL Central.

It's not a trick question.

But I'd sure like it if the Cards were playing a little better down the stretch.

Go Astros

The NL Central race has been more or less decided for weeks (St. Louis' magic number is still 18*, but I have to believe Rolen, Pujols, and Edmonds would all have to come down with trench foot to stop their momentum now), but I'll cheer for anyone to beat Chicago and make their playoff hunt that much more difficult.

Happily, the Astros complied this weekend, taking 3 of 4 from the Cubs, dropping the latter into a tie with San Diego for the wild card lead. Of all the team in contention for the WC, the Cubs scare me the most, so the more they lose, the happier I am.

More so than usual, I mean.

Cards 1B Albert Pujols also used today's game to became only the 4th player in MLB history to get 100 RBIs in his first four seasons. The others? Just a couple guys named Al Simmons, Joe DiMaggio, and Ted Williams. He also homered to get his 2nd consecutive 40+ HR season.

I'm still cheesed there aren't any more head-to-head StL-ChC games, however.

*Stay tuned to Len's blog for the countdown

And they didn't even need Tatum O'Neal

Kudos to Richmond, TX's Lamar National Little League team, who beat Morgantown, NC to advance to the U.S. championship game:

The Richmond all-stars again revved up the offense and pounded Morganton, N.C., 8-2 Wednesday before an estimated crowd of 18,250 at Lamade Stadium.

Lamar National, now 4-0 in the Series, advances to Saturday's U.S. championship game, where it will play the winner of today's other semifinal between South Caroline Little League of Preston, Md., the Mid-Atlantic champ, and Conejo Valley LL of Thousand Oaks, Calif., the West champion.

"I'm about as excited as you can get," [Lamar National manager Jim] Michalek said. "We're extremely honored to be representing the state of Texas at the next level."

The winner of the U.S. championship, of course, faces the international champion on Sunday.

It's hard to imagine Lamar National at another level, since it has been so consistently dominating for the past week. Indeed, Wednesday was the anomaly — for the first time in the Series, Lamar National did not hit double figures in runs.

But the Richmond stars hit just about everything else, racking up 11 more base hits. And for the fourth straight game, Lamar National entertained the fans with its Texas air show — Chance Murski belted a grand slam, and Randal Grichuk, who was 3-for-4, delivered a three-run shot.

Grichuk, who is batting .769 (10-for-13) in the Series, has four homers and nine RBIs in the four games, energizing an offense that has amassed 51 runs and 51 hits, nine of which have been homers.

Finally, somebody's playing decent baseball in Houston. Too bad Grichuk's a little young to replace Jeff Bagwell.

Speaking as someone who was - at best - a mediocre Little League player, I'd like to extend APCB's congratulations to Lamar and thank them for allowing me to ignore the Olympics for a few days.

Scum swept

Sometime in the early '80s, we were in St. Louis visiting family and the Cardinals were playing a home stand against the hated New York Mets. A KSHE DJ referred to the visiting team as "pond scum," and the name stuck. Stores sold "Mets are Pond Scum" t-shirts all week, and I've been unable to unentangle the two in my mind ever since.

And I still have the shirt.

The Scum are no longer in contention for a playoff spot, so last weekend's sweep by St. Louis lacked some of the "oomph" of earlier meetings. All the same, watching them bomb Al Leiter back to the Stone Age was satisfying, and it helped put a little more distance between the Cards and the Cubs, who fell another game off pace.

Since I live in Houston, I should probably mention the Astros. They suck. Moving on...

Oh, okay. I remember the preseason hype as well as anyone: Clemens and Pettite were going to anchor an aging but talented team, making them favorites (along with Chicago...*snicker*) for the NL Central title. Now, after 111 games and dropping two of the last three to the lowly Expos, you could say their "turn" is over. They were done before the All-Star break, but I think it's only now starting to sink in for some of the locals.

Including GM Gerry Hunsicker, who started talking yesterday about the "major changes" coming to Houston in the offseason. Maybe they could move the Minute Maid Park fences in a few yards. And add a few more outfield hills. However, I think I speak for all fans of other NL Central teams when I say the Astros should definitely keep Jeff Bagwell for another three or four seasons.

Walker, St. Louis C