Michael and I went to the big Bridal expo at the George R. Brown in July. It's something of a mandatory stop for brides planning even a medium-sized wedding in this town. It is also the home of door prizes galore and more opportunities to get junk mail than you can shake a stick at.
Michael and I went to the exhibition in search of a photographer. We had most of the other vendors narrowed down (with the big exception of the florist), so we concentrated our efforts there. But every booth was a source of delight and surprise, not necessarily in that order.
This is a representative sample of what we overheard at the expo; it's almost enough to make a confirmed bachelor out of you, or send you in search of a ladder!
Vendor: Just fill out your name, wedding date, and phone number; that's all we need. Your arm will be falling off by the end of the afternoon from all the door prizes you'll register for.
Vendor [stentorian, heard 2 aisles over]: Bride-to-be, come to me! [no, we didn't check him out]
Michael [holding up bag to get vendor's brochure]: I know what I'm here for.
Photographer: Your wedding sounds so interesting! We like interesting weddings.
Tom Beard [of Feo y Loco, who was working a DJ booth, to Michael]: I can't believe you're getting married!
Other DJ at Tom's booth: You're gonna have a Scottish wedding? I own four kilts ...
Michael: We just spent five of our last six bucks on Coke.
Ginger [listening to the Celine Dion with backbeat for the bridesmaids' fashion show]: It's disco Titanic!
Ginger: Are you enjoying yourself?
Michael: No.
Ginger: Oh, c'mon, not even laughing at the stupid bridesmaid's dresses?
Michael: OK, maybe a little ....Photographer: Sure, you have to move people along, but you can be nice about it.
Booth attendant for photographer: Can I put you down as "Really Interested"?*
Vendor: I've said that so often it's beginning to sound like a spiel.
Ginger [overhearing twanging harpist]: There's only so much you can do with Lohengrin.
Michael [too close to a particular photographer's booth]: What I think of the double exposure overlooking the wedding is ...
Ginger: Who would have thought I'd turn out to have preferences about flowers?
DJ: Are you planning on having a DJ?
Ginger [would rather chew her arm off]: We're planning to have a band; my fiance is a soundman and we want one of the bands he's worked with.
DJ: He's a soundman? Then he'll appreciate my equipment! [buttonholes Michael and launches into spiel]Ginger [after looking at a particular photographer's work]: If I seemed noncommittal, it was because I'd seen her brochure and looked at her prices first.
Vendor [to another bride]: Well, if you decide to change the date of your wedding, keep us in mind.
Ginger [exhausted, to vendor, 15 minutes before the show closes]: I'm tired, you're tired. Let me just take your brochure and look at your web site.
Michael [on the way out]: When was the last time I complained about my feet hurting?
Michael [cranky]: What happened to all the cake? I only got to eat one piece of cake. Admittedly it was very good cake, for vanilla cake with raspberry, but I was promised lots of cake!**
*Oddly enough, this was the photographer we ultimately settled on ....